IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think they have the right to use as much fresh water as they want, while others believe that governments should strictly control the use of freshwater as it is a limited resource. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #right #water #governments #control #resource
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There is
Correct article usage
a debated
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debated
Replace the word
debate
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 among two parties
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
whether
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 the public or the
government
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 should be responsible
of
Change preposition
for
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fresh
water
Use synonyms
 as it is a limited resource on earth. If the public
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the power over the
fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
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water
Use synonyms
than
Replace the word
then
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 it will be a waste of
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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 because of unawareness about how important it is for mankind. From my perspective, I strongly believe that the
governements
Correct your spelling
governments
 are the ones who should hold the right to
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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.
To begin
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 with, the public always
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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their
Change the word
the
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 personal freedom to
use
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 fresh
water
Use synonyms
 as the
water
Use synonyms
 is significant to their daily life ,
for instance
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,an individual needs to remain hydrated by consuming a lot of aqua or
maintained
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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 good hygiene by showering with clean
water
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. As we can see, every household
have
Change the verb form
has
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own
water
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 supplies but not all countries
such
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 as third world class
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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such
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 supplies
due to
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 its
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
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.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is crucial for the role of the public to
use
Use synonyms
 the resources when it is only necessary .
On the other hand
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, when it comes to the
government
Use synonyms
, they should set
a
Correct article usage
apply
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strict
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
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 regarding the usage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh
water
Use synonyms
 in order to avoid
depletion
Correct article usage
the depletion
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 of natural resources.
For example
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, monitor the utilization of
water
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 to prevent exceeded daily
use
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.
This
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 is because
of
Change preposition
apply
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some people do not have
consciousness
Add an article
the consciousness
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 to appreciate the natural assets that one day will be gone.
As a result
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, the
Use synonyms
government
Change noun form
government's
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 roles play a big part
to ensure
Change preposition
in ensuring
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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future generations will
also
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 have access to fresh
water
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. In conclusion,
while
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consider
Change the verb form
considering
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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personal freedom is important, it is essential to balance it with some rules.
Therefore
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, the
government
Use synonyms
 should play a role in controlling the usage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future children rather than
use
Use synonyms
 it as we
please
Add a comma
, please
show examples
.
Submitted by tifjong on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion. However, there are instances where ideas could be expressed more clearly. For example, 'third world class' could be better phrased as 'developing countries' to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to verb agreement and article usage to enhance grammatical accuracy. Examples include 'debated' instead of 'debate,' and 'the public have' should be 'the public has.' Fixing small grammatical errors can make your essay more polished.
task achievement
You have addressed both viewpoints, which shows a balanced discussion and fulfills the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping the reader understand your main argument and overall structure.
task achievement
You're able to convey your point of view effectively and provide adequate support for your stance with relevant examples. This demonstrates your ability to develop ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • freshwater
  • personal freedom
  • resources
  • daily necessities
  • environmental sustainability
  • depletion
  • regulation
  • distribution
  • underprivileged
  • future generations
  • conservative use
  • sustainable practices
  • monitoring
  • regulating
  • judiciously
What to do next:
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