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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think they have the right to use as much fresh water as they want, while others believe that governments should strictly control the use of freshwater as it is a limited resource. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #right #water #governments #control #resource
There is
Correct article usage
a debated
show examples
debated
Replace the word
debate
show examples
 among two parties
whereas
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 the public or the
government
 should be responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
fresh
water
 as it is a limited resource on earth. If the public
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the power over the
fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
show examples
water
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 it will be a waste of
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 because of unawareness about how important it is for mankind. From my perspective, I strongly believe that the
governements
Correct your spelling
governments
 are the ones who should hold the right to
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
.
To begin
 with, the public always
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 personal freedom to
use
 fresh
water
 as the
water
 is significant to their daily life ,
for instance
,an individual needs to remain hydrated by consuming a lot of aqua or
maintained
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
 good hygiene by showering with clean
water
. As we can see, every household
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own
water
 supplies but not all countries
such
 as third world class
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
such
 supplies
due to
 its
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
.
Therefore
,
this
 is crucial for the role of the public to
use
 the resources when it is only necessary .
On the other hand
, when it comes to the
government
, they should set
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 regarding the usage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh
water
 in order to avoid
depletion
Correct article usage
the depletion
show examples
 of natural resources.
For example
, monitor the utilization of
water
 to prevent exceeded daily
use
.
This
 is because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some people do not have
consciousness
Add an article
the consciousness
show examples
 to appreciate the natural assets that one day will be gone.
As a result
, the
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 roles play a big part
to ensure
Change preposition
in ensuring
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future generations will
also
 have access to fresh
water
. In conclusion,
while
consider
Change the verb form
considering
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal freedom is important, it is essential to balance it with some rules.
Therefore
, the
government
 should play a role in controlling the usage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
show examples
water
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future children rather than
use
 it as we
please
Add a comma
, please
show examples
.
Submitted by tifjong on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion. However, there are instances where ideas could be expressed more clearly. For example, 'third world class' could be better phrased as 'developing countries' to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to verb agreement and article usage to enhance grammatical accuracy. Examples include 'debated' instead of 'debate,' and 'the public have' should be 'the public has.' Fixing small grammatical errors can make your essay more polished.
task achievement
You have addressed both viewpoints, which shows a balanced discussion and fulfills the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping the reader understand your main argument and overall structure.
task achievement
You're able to convey your point of view effectively and provide adequate support for your stance with relevant examples. This demonstrates your ability to develop ideas.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • freshwater
  • personal freedom
  • resources
  • daily necessities
  • environmental sustainability
  • depletion
  • regulation
  • distribution
  • underprivileged
  • future generations
  • conservative use
  • sustainable practices
  • monitoring
  • regulating
  • judiciously
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