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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, children spend too much time watching TV and playing computer games. Some people believe this has negative effects on children's mental abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

#children #time #tv #computer #games #people #effects #abilities #disagree？
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In today's era, the use of technology is exorbitantly increasing. Many people opine that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 watching television and playing automated
games
 have a significantly bad impact on
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 mental capabilities. I strongly agree with
this
 statement. In
this
 essay, I will provide some compelling reasons. These days,
children
 are given access to machinery at a very early age. Parents and teachers play an imperative role in
this
 situation. Introducing and allowing to use desktop to play
games
 rather than playing outdoors or board
games
 and watching cartoons rather than storytelling hampers mental growth. A chief disadvantage of
this
 practice is
children
 not being able to have a face-to-face conversation.
In addition
 to
this
, it does not foster
th
Correct your spelling
the
 e imaginative and creative side of the brain. A study was conducted in a childcare in Ohio where
children
 were provided with a number of objects in a basket and each pupil had to pick one object and create a story by linking it with the previous line recited by another child.
This
 practice encourages mental enhancement leading to the acquisition of proficiencies in areas like creativity and, language.
Furthermore
, sitting in front of the screen for a long time increases aggression and social anxiety in
children
. A number of studies have been conducted in
this
 sector. A prime example is a study conducted during COVID-19, where researchers calculated the screen time of
children
 in 24 hours. The
children
 who were binge-watching or playing showed signs of anxiety and depression.
In addition
 to
this
, some
games
 that
children
 play contain strong violence and coarse language. It is evident that
children
 learn quickly what they see and listen to. In conclusion, spending a major amount of time
by
Change preposition
apply
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looking at movies and playing video
games
 has an obstructive effect on
children
. The crucial reasons highlighted are access to automation, imaginative barriers,
agreession
Correct your spelling
aggression
 and,
social
Correct word choice
and social
show examples
 anxiety.
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task achievement
Work on refining sentence structure to ensure clearer expression of ideas. Some sentences are a bit awkward and can be simplified for better clarity.
task achievement
Enhance the development of ideas in each paragraph to provide a more thorough analysis. Give more detailed explanations and link them back to the main argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly from one to the next. Use more linking words and transition phrases to enhance the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument well.
task achievement
Good use of relevant and specific examples, which add weight to the argument.
task achievement
The main points are supported with logical reasoning, and they are relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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