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Writing Samples /
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improved people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#aim #science #people #lives
It is said that the most significant purpose of
science
 should be to enhance
people
's quality of life. I strongly agree with
this
 opinion because of
people
's challenges and their effects on their
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
. Nowadays,
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
 modern world, the phenomenon of overpopulation, which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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megacities construction, has increased.
This
 overcrowding brings
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
assosiated
Correct your spelling
associated
 problems. One of its great
challenging
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
show examples
 is appearing new or eradicated diseases.
Such
 diseases have great negative influences on
people
's health. Even
science
Correct word choice
though science
show examples
 has
a incredible achievements
Correct the article-noun agreement
incredible achievements
an incredible achievement
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various areas, none of them
are
Change the verb form
is
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 as important as health area.
As a result
, individuals
Wrong verb form
are required
show examples
require
Add the particle
require to
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 employ
science
 to have a better life. For
exapmle
Correct your spelling
example
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these recent years, Corona Virus was one of the big global
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 which plays a negative role in all aspects of
people
's lives. By scientific
researching
Replace the word
research
show examples
 and
invention
Correct article usage
the invention
show examples
 of its vaccine, nowadays, Corona Virus has
weakend
Correct your spelling
weakened
weekend
, and
people
 can live better.
Todays
Fix the agreement mistake
Today
show examples
,
by changing
Change preposition
with changes
show examples
 in lifestyles,
people
 have another big
callenges
Correct your spelling
challenges
challenge
 and it is
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adequate time to do tasks, even repetitive and simple them.
This
 puts
people
's mental health
at
Change preposition
under
show examples
 pressure.
Consequently
, they would have been
nerveseness
Correct your spelling
nervousness
perverseness
 and
anxitious
Correct your spelling
anxious
 and have a disorder in mental stability. By implementing scientific innovations and inventions in various areas,
people's
Change noun form
people
show examples
 may be able to feel
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
convenience and comfortability and
relife
Verb problem
relieve
show examples
 these pressures.
For example
, domestic robots
such
 as vacuum robotic cleaners may provide them
this
Add the preposition
with this
show examples
 chance to not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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do
this
 task
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 and lead to
save
Change the verb form
saving
show examples
 more time. In conclusion,
Although
 the effect of
science
 cannot be
indeniable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
 in each area, by paying attention to
people
's challenges, the priority aim of
science
 should be considered as improving
people
's quality of life.
Submitted by hg1984 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make use of more consistent transitional phrases and linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Work on correcting grammatical errors and sentence structure issues, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage, to make your points clearer and more accurate.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and details to further support your points. This will enhance the depth of your arguments and provide a stronger basis for your conclusions.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic, providing a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You address the task effectively by emphasizing the importance of science in improving people's quality of life and mentioning relevant issues like health and convenience.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure with distinct paragraphs focusing on different aspects of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
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