People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Nowadays
health
care plays a significant role in our life. Many illnesses are caused by bad behaviors
of Change the spelling
behaviours
human
, they choose unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets. That’s why they should pay more for their decisions to rescue their Fix the agreement mistake
humans
health
. I absolutely agree with this
point of view. In my opinion, this
is the best way to teach people
how to be directly responsible for their health
.
First of all, I want to emphasize the fact that the lack of knowledge is not an excuse. Health
informations
can be easily found in mass media. Change the wording
information
pieces of information
People
can know
more things about the disadvantages of fast food, Verb problem
learn
how
to prevent diseases Correct word choice
and how
by
their behaviors. Change preposition
through
Therefore
, they are obviously aware of eating more junk food not only assuming calories and gaining weight but also
can cause serious diseases. Furthermore
, everyone should know smoking negatively impacts their lungs and people
who live around them. These examples demonstrate the truth of Correct article usage
the people
irresponsibility
Correct pronoun usage
their irresponsibility
of
Change preposition
apply
themself
and ignoring the warning of inappropriate lifestyles. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Hence
, they should not receive free or reduced cost
medical services.
Add a hyphen
reduced-cost
Secondly
, it is an undeniable reality that the cost of healthcare increases
all over the world. If Wrong verb form
is increasing
people
who are obese require treatment, they are taking money from another patient
, who Fix the agreement mistake
other patients
are
really Verb problem
apply
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
because
of their congenital or unpredictable illnesses. Correct pronoun usage
it because
Besides
that, it’s unfair for someone who is trying to maintain a healthy standard of living forced to pay more for the treatment of human
who do the opposite things.
To draw Fix the agreement mistake
humans
the
conclusion, Correct article usage
a
i
support Change the capitalization
I
this
idea of making Correct determiner usage
the
people
contribute their money for medical treatment because it can help they
get more awareness and reduce Correct pronoun usage
them
this
type of disease.Submitted by ieltsamiedu on
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task achievement
The introduction sets the stage well; however, try to restate the prompt without repeating too many words verbatim. A brief outline of the main points can also strengthen your introduction.
task achievement
Though the ideas are clear, adding more specific examples would support your arguments better. For example, citing a study or a statistic about the impact of poor diets could be very effective.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases like 'moreover,' 'in addition,' and 'consequently' to connect your ideas smoother. This will improve the flow of the essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors, such as 'Health informations' should be 'Health information,' and 'the cost of healthcare increases all over the world' is better phrased as 'healthcare costs are increasing all over the world.' Review your essay for similar mistakes to improve clarity.
task achievement
You have a clear and strong thesis statement that sets the stage for your argument. This helps the reader understand your stance from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points and aligns well with the introduction. This brings a sense of closure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
You've organized the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.