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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the Anthropolgist in the work after five years.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the Anthropolgist in the work after five years.
#anthropology #graduates #university #course #salaries #anthropolgist #work #five #years
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The chart describes the destination of Anthropology graduates from a particular university
whereas
Linking Words
 the table illustrates the salaries earned by the graduates after
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
working in the Anthropology field for 5
years
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
. Generally, there 6 different types of destination and 4 different
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
types of salary categories for the graduate students. After 5
years
Use synonyms
 of working, salary
increment
Fix the agreement mistake
increments
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 faster in
government
Add an article
the government
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 sector and for freelance consultants compared to those from
private
Correct article usage
the private
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sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, half of the students started to work full
time
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
52% and
almost
Add an article
an almost
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 equal percentage of graduates
work
Wrong verb form
worked
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part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and stayed unemployed
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15% and 12% respectively. Not only that,
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
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 number of people decided to do
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 postgraduate study and some are unknown with
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
8% .
However
Linking Words
, after 5
years
Use synonyms
 of working
years
Use synonyms
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the government
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 earned more than $100,000 when compared to
private
Add an article
the private
show examples
 sector with 50% and 30% respectively.
Besides
Linking Words
,
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
 percentage of freelance consultants and civil workers earned $25000-$49999 and $50000-$74999 with 5% and 15% respectively.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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