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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows what Engineering graduates from a London university did after their undergraduate degree course.The table shows the salaries of the Engineers in work after five years.

The chart below shows what Engineering graduates from a London university did after their undergraduate degree course.The table shows the salaries of the Engineers in work after five years.
The shown circle graph explains the activities engineering
students
Use synonyms
 who graduated from London universities
toke
Correct your spelling
take
show examples
 upon themselves
while
Linking Words
 the table shows the income of these
students
Use synonyms
 after five years.
Overall
Linking Words
 from a certain
university
Add a comma
university,
show examples
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the destination of Anthropology grads is mostly
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 jobs as 52% secured
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 jobs . Following closely at 15% are part-time workers we can see a
handfull
Correct your spelling
handful
 are unemployed .
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 are
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
show examples
 off at full-time postgrad studies and not known at 8% with a
couple
Add the preposition
couple of
show examples
 grads with a few
students
Use synonyms
 heading towards part-time plus
post grad
Add a hyphen
post-grad
show examples
 studies.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, after 5 years their salaries differ based on their employment as Freelance
comsultants
Correct your spelling
consultants
 mostly have an income of over a hundred thousand dollars
while
Linking Words
 a few are paid from 25,000 to 49,999 but
that is
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 the least amount paid for all graduates with
Goverment
Correct your spelling
Government
 sectors at most are paid 100,000 dollars
while
Linking Words
 almost all Private companies
icncome
Correct your spelling
income
 being 50,000 to 99,999 dollars.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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