IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish.
Why do you think this is happening?
What can governments do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced?

#rubbish #governments #amount
Unfortunately , the world struggles with environmental
pollution
 which
are
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is
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 whether from
people
 or
manufactory
Replace the word
manufacturing
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 and
the
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apply
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governments can prevent
to
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apply
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environmental damage
comes
Wrong verb form
coming
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 from rubbish .
This
 essay will examine
causes
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the causes
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 of rubbish and
it’ s
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its
preventing
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prevention
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. Today many
people
 take
out
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apply
show examples
their
trashes
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trash
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to
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apply
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into
Correct your spelling
onto
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 the streets.
Firstly
 we must stimulate
to
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apply
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people
 via
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the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 or advertising in order to they can behave consciously towards
environment
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the environment
show examples
 or nature.
For example
according
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according to
show examples
 the latest research; the environmental
pollution
 all around the world is upswing day by day and precisely it is going to show that detrimental impact on
the
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apply
show examples
our habitats ıf the governments do not make a measure. In my
opinion
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opinion,
show examples
 they can make
a
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apply
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news
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new
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 legislation
such
 as penalties for that ıf someone
take
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takes
show examples
 out garbages head on
outside
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the outside
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 or they can add into
education
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the education
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 system in order to the students can be aware for
protect
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protecting
show examples
 nature.
Secondly
 , after stimulating the
people
 without penalties , the government must carry out deterrent rules because ıf the effect of
pollution
 on the environment
will increase
Wrong verb form
increases
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within
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apply
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in the next decades, from that point we can come across more high
temperature
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temperatures
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, and air
pollution
 which is scarce from the oxygen
as well as
 today’s global warming.
For
example
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example,
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 several
scientist
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scientists
show examples
 predict that
the
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apply
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governments must be careful about forestalling
pollution
otherwise
the
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apply
show examples
deforestation can be increased in the next years. Because of that the states in the world,
they
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apply
show examples
should implement stricter legislation for the sake of our future. In conclusion ; Even though
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the accumulating
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accumulating
Replace the word
accumulation
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 of rubbish
are
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is
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go
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going
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 up
everyday
Correct your spelling
every year
show examples
, we can still forestall that situation with the government’s
helps
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help
show examples
, after all we will
inherit
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 a protected nature to our kids.
Submitted by kickbox191 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the main points of the prompt, but the response could be more thorough. Try to discuss the reasons for increasing rubbish production in more detail.
task achievement
While you have mentioned some relevant examples, more specific and varied examples would enhance your argument. Consider including data or real-life instances to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Avoid abrupt topic changes and ensure each paragraph flows logically from the previous one.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clear logical structure with well-defined paragraphs. Consider outlining your ideas before writing to ensure logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. There are several errors that slightly obscure your meaning. Proofreading and practicing writing can help reduce these errors.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your main points well.
task achievement
You demonstrated awareness of some key issues related to environmental pollution and governmental roles.
task achievement
The idea of implementing educational measures and stricter legislation shows your understanding of potential solutions to the problem.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • disposable culture
  • over-packaging
  • non-recyclable
  • public awareness
  • waste management
  • environmental impact
  • recycle
  • recycling facilities
  • waste separation
  • single-use products
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: