IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #country #health #service #treatments
It is believed that countries should provide free
health
 services for citizens especially, the latest expensive
medication
 even if it is not available in the system.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
this
 essay totally agrees with
this
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 and will
disucsses
Correct your spelling
discusses
discuss
 why they have to
encourge
Correct your spelling
encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical research and how
this
 decision would support the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy.
To begin
 with,
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 and medical field
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
 of the most important
field
Change to a plural noun
fields
show examples
 in the world
those
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 days,
govrenments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should pay attention to the medical science
researche
Correct your spelling
researcher
research
researchers
who can find
treatment
Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
show examples
 to
rere
Correct your spelling
reduce
show examples
 syndrom and help people with chronic
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
.
For example
, ALS syndrome
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
affects the narve cells in the brain and
spainal
Correct your spelling
spinal
 cord, patient in
this
condtion
Correct your spelling
condition
 slowly lose their
movment
Correct your spelling
movement
 function and can not be
treatet
Correct your spelling
treated
 by
avaliable
Correct your spelling
available
medication
, but some research
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 found effective treatment but
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 can not afford it. countries should
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 a program to provide the latest
soultion
Correct your spelling
solution
solutions
 for people in
such
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 and
encourge
Correct your spelling
encourage
encourages
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientist to find more
cure
Fix the agreement mistake
cures
show examples
.
Addionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
 to the above points, investmament in
health
 services can support the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 of the country by
attract
Change the form of the verb
attracting
show examples
investors from other
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 to become part of the system and
assest
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to
enchance
Correct your spelling
enhance
 the quality of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 and increase the number of people in the nation.
For instance
, Saudi Arabia
founds
Correct your spelling
found
show examples
 the
ministry
Capitalize word
Ministry
show examples
 of
health
Capitalize word
Health
show examples
 with a huge amount of money to improve and provide all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of treatments for free ,
also
Rephrase
as well as
show examples
 the latest expensive
medication
 to the citizens.
Moreover
,
this
 decision has made Saudi Arabia a great place to start a business. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
govrenments
Correct your spelling
governments
 must provide the community with the best
medication
 to treat their
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
 and help to
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 more
investmant opportunites
Correct your spelling
investment opportunities
 to
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increase the quality of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
Submitted by mariaalshrife on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task by presenting a clear position on the topic. However, there are several grammatical and spelling errors that detract from the overall clarity. Reviewing your essay for these errors can greatly enhance readability and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally maintains a clear and logical structure. However, it can benefit from more explicit linking phrases between points to strengthen coherence. Using transitional words or phrases can better guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
While you provide relevant examples to support your points, they could be more detailed. Expanding on these examples can help fortify your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion reinforces the main points of your essay, but it could be more comprehensive by summarizing all the key arguments discussed. This will give a more rounded closing to your essay.
task achievement
You've demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and presented a clear argument in favor of free health services.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument, indicating what you will discuss in the essay.
task achievement
You successfully integrate an example, such as the case of Saudi Arabia, which lends weight to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: