Many manufactured food and drinks contains high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Surgary products should be made more exspensive to encourage people to consume less sugar Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, various food and
drinks
Fix the agreement mistake
drink
products
is
not healthy Change the verb form
are
due to
sugar
levels, in Correct article usage
a consequences
consequences
, many Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
people
suffers
many Change the verb form
suffer
health
issues. Thus
, to reduce the number of people
who consumes
Correct subject-verb agreement
consume
sugar
, the surgary
Correct your spelling
sugary
products
should be more least affordable. I personally do not agree with this
statement due to
these
following reasons below.
The primary goal is to make Correct determiner usage
the
people
consumes
healthier Change the verb form
consume
foods
and drinks to reduce the sugar
levels that
is
awful for Correct subject-verb agreement
are
health
. In my opinion, the first step is
to raise the
community and social Correct article usage
apply
awareness
regarding of
the drawbacks Change preposition
apply
for
Change preposition
of
over-consumption
of Correct article usage
the over-consumption
sugar
. I believe as the awareness
started to increase, people
would value their health
better. The soar
of Replace the word
soaring
sugar
prices will not be a long term
solution Add a hyphen
long-term
within
Change preposition
to
this
issue if the main goal is not achieved. One of
Change preposition
apply
the
example to boost Correct article usage
apply
this
awareness
is to creates
a campaign in Change the verb
create
the
social media to Correct article usage
apply
lessening
the consumption of unhealthy manufactured Change the form of the verb
lessen
foods
and drinks that have a high level
of sugar
by comparing the advantages and disadvantages of having a normal level
of sugar
and over-
Correct article usage
an over-sugar
sugar
level
. The solutions could be concluded in
the end of the campaign to Change the preposition
at
educates
Wrong verb form
educate
people
to consumes
healthier dishes to Wrong verb form
consume
subtitute
the surgary manufactured Correct your spelling
substitute
products
.
Furthermore
, the increase of
Change preposition
in
sugar
prices will only offer a short-term solution as sugar
is one of the main ingredients to cook
dishes and it will Change preposition
in cooking
brings
a negative impact Verb problem
have
in
many households. Change preposition
on
Therefore
, the government could assist by sorting out manufactured products
that contains
a danger Change the verb form
contain
level
of sugar
that could affect people
's health
. In addition
, the foods'
manufacturer Change noun form
foods
also
need a corporate social responsibility (CSR) that would reduce any awful ingredients in their products
. In this
way, consumers would feel more secure to purchase the products
while
also
protecting their health
. The company would get a
good branding in the eyes of society as well by applying Correct article usage
apply
this
method.
In conclusion, the surge of
Change preposition
in
sugar
prices will affect many aspects in
Change preposition
of
people
's life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
, it will only offer a short-term solution in the health
sector. To reduce the consumption of sugar
, it is crucial to raise the
Correct article usage
apply
awareness
developing
a campaign program in Change preposition
by developing
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, government and the foods'
Change noun form
foods
manufacturer
Fix the agreement mistake
manufacturers
also
play a key role to sort
out the Change preposition
in sorting
products
and to be a responsible business for the community.Submitted by debbychrist10 on
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task achievement
You provided a clear and complete response to the task, addressing the prompt effectively. However, work on presenting clear and more comprehensive ideas in each paragraph. Sometimes it felt like ideas were repeated or not fully explored.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. Currently, the examples are somewhat generic and could be further developed.
coherence cohesion
Focus on enhancing the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. While each paragraph had a clear purpose, the transitions between them could be smoother to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to support your main points with well-structured arguments. For example, when discussing raising awareness, elaborate more on how this could be effectively achieved and its long-term benefits.
introduction conclusion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your position and summarizing your main points.
supported main points
Your main points are relevant and address the task prompt. You have made a strong argument against raising the price of sugary products.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example