IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The world’s air pollution levels are rising year on year. What are the most pressing causes and effects of this disturbing trend?

#world’s #air #pollution #levels #year #effects #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is not a
sectret
Correct your spelling
secret
, toxic smog in the air is the most
challinging
Correct your spelling
challenging
 issue for the globe. There are many causes and effects.
However
, fuel burning and construction materials production are leaders in the race, so in the rest of
this
 essay both of them will be discussed.
Industrialisation
Correct article usage
The industrialisation
show examples
 era has
broaght
Correct your spelling
brought
 a number of global problems for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution is not an exception.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 average, over 35% of worldwide
greanhouse
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
 gases
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been
releasing
Wrong verb form
released
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the atmosphere by oil
refinery
Fix the agreement mistake
refineries
show examples
, cement and steel
factores
Correct your spelling
factories
factors
. In Russian Omsk
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
,
citiziens
Correct your spelling
citizens
 have
notieced
Correct your spelling
noticed
 more smog in the
are
Correct your spelling
area
show examples
 than ever since a brand new crude oil refinery factory was launched. All around the world, societies face the most
inprodictable
Correct your spelling
unpredictable
 and dangerous
deseas
Correct your spelling
disease
 called cancer. Everybody knows it.
Although
 there is a point of people
emergancy
Correct your spelling
emergency
 migration from home, because of natural
disusters
Correct your spelling
disasters
 caused by global warming. The higher
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
 level in
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
show examples
, the higher
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
show examples
 we get cancer or
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
flee.
For example
,
aproximatelly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 200 people left their property the
last
 year in Omsk
dictrict
Correct your spelling
district
 after flooding, but
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 they
awered
Correct your spelling
aware
 of the pollution effect on it? All
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all, if consider toxic greenhouse gases as a complex issue, we can notice that
consrtuction
Correct your spelling
construction
 and production are the most powerful factors which affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our inconveniences. Global warming and air pollution could have been less, if everybody realised the threat on time, and
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 their best to tackle it.
Submitted by saladinrostislav on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure all examples are clearly linked to the point being made. The example of Omsk could be expanded to show a direct connection to the topic for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Check grammar and spelling more carefully. Small errors like 'sectret' instead of 'secret', 'broaght' instead of 'brought', and 'citiziens' instead of 'citizens' can affect readability.
coherence cohesion
Better transitions between points could improve the logical flow. For instance, transitioning from discussing industries to health impacts could be smoother with a linking phrase or sentence.
task achievement
You have identified two major causes of air pollution: fuel burning and construction material production. This shows clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates awareness of the global nature of the problem, including specific examples like the Omsk city in Russia.
coherence cohesion
The concluding paragraph ties back to the introduction and restates the main ideas, creating a sense of closure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • air quality
  • emissions
  • pollutants
  • carbon footprint
  • greenhouse gases
  • deforestation
  • fossil fuels
  • urbanization
  • industrialization
  • exhaust fumes
  • environmental regulations
  • renewable energy
  • smog
  • ozone layer depletion
  • public health crisis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: