Government investment in the visual arts, the kind you commonly see in art galleries, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Obviously, almost any citizen believes that the
governments
money should be fully used for their critical needs Change to a genitive case
government's
governments'
such
as public services, instead
of unnecessity
investments in visual Correct your spelling
unnecessary
arts
, which commonly exist in art
galleries
. In my perspective, I totally disagree with such
an idea, reducing the great effect of these arts
on our life in general,and economy
Correct article usage
the economy
in particular
.
To begin
with, visual arts
increase the
society's awareness of the cultural heritage, and the civilization's development. Correct article usage
apply
Through displaying
Change preposition
Displaying
most
notable practices, and thoughts that Correct article usage
the most
the
society Correct article usage
apply
done
, or had in the past, resulting Add the auxiliary verb
did
has done
to
deep thinking in the origin of these ideas Change preposition
in
as well as
habits. In addition
, thinking of how it improved over the years. For example
, old
Chinese used to believe in Correct article usage
the old
medetation
importance for mental health, which is clear from the most of statues' positions in China's Correct your spelling
meditation
galleries
. So, they started to make researshes
on that until they Correct your spelling
research
bocme
the first people to export Correct your spelling
became
become
this
phenomenon to the whole world.
Another point to consider, authorities spending high
portion Correct article usage
a high
in
visual Change preposition
on
arts
, and caring about their galleries
will reflect on the country
's income positively. Because,
it will Remove the comma
apply
cuase
tourist attraction alongside teaching other nations the Correct your spelling
cause
country
's cultur
. Correct your spelling
culture
Therefor
, generating Correct your spelling
Therefore
new
Add an article
a new
source
of revenue Fix the agreement mistake
sources
to
the region, Change preposition
for
contributing
Correct word choice
and contributing
it
to Correct pronoun usage
apply
invest
in more significant sectors. Replace the word
investment
For instance
, Egyption
power has been spending a Correct your spelling
Egyptian
numerous
amount of money on temples,museums, and Correct word choice
large
art
garlleries
. Correct your spelling
galleries
As a result
, art
places caught the eyes of billion
of tourists around the world, making it the most attractive Correct your spelling
billions
country
for tourists in the world. Thus
, allowing the country
to invest in infrastructure, which satisfied the Eygption
citizen Correct your spelling
Egyptian
due to
the high revenue the authorities earned.
In conclusion, despite people thinking of the worthless of visual arts
, their effects in
Change preposition
on
people
quality of life proved the opposite. Starting from, Change noun form
people's
rising
our knowledge about our cultural heritage, how Correct your spelling
raising
did
we preserve, and advance it, to the point we use it in order to benefit our economic income. Unnecessary verb
apply
Accordingly
, the
government investments in Correct article usage
apply
galleries
and art
are not pointless, instead
Add a comma
instead,
it
should be Correct pronoun usage
they
encourged
.Correct your spelling
encouraged
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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets out your position on the issue. This will help frame your argument for the reader.
logical structure
Provide more structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences to improve the logical structure of your essay. Each paragraph should explore a single main idea.
clear comprehensive ideas
Minimize grammatical and spelling errors to enhance clarity. For instance, 'medetation' should be 'meditation' and 'researshes' should be 'researches'.
complete response
Try to incorporate more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to make your writing more engaging.
relevant specific examples
Use more precise and relevant examples to support your points. This will strengthen the impact of your arguments.
complete response
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a clear position on the issue.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided, such as the case of Chinese meditation and Egyptian tourism, are relevant and help illustrate the points being made.
logical structure
There is a logical flow between paragraphs, making the argument easy to follow.