IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government investment in the visual arts, the kind you commonly see in art galleries, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Obviously, almost any citizen believes that the
governments
Change to a genitive case
government's
governments'
show examples
 money should be fully used for their critical needs
such
Linking Words
 as public services,
instead
Linking Words
 of
unnecessity
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
show examples
 investments in visual
arts
Use synonyms
, which commonly exist in
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
. In my perspective, I totally disagree with
such
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 an idea, reducing the great effect of these
arts
Use synonyms
 on our life in general,and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
in particular
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.
To begin
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 with, visual
arts
Use synonyms
 increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society's awareness of the cultural heritage, and the civilization's development.
Through displaying
Change preposition
Displaying
show examples
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 notable practices, and thoughts that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
done
Add the auxiliary verb
did
has done
show examples
, or had in the past, resulting
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 deep thinking in the origin of these ideas
as well as
Linking Words
 habits.
In addition
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, thinking of how it improved over the years.
For example
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,
old
Correct article usage
the old
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 Chinese used to believe in
medetation
Correct your spelling
meditation
 importance for mental health, which is clear from the most of statues' positions in China's
galleries
Use synonyms
. So, they started to make
researshes
Correct your spelling
research
 on that until they
bocme
Correct your spelling
became
become
 the first people to export
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon to the whole world. Another point to consider, authorities spending
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 portion
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 visual
arts
Use synonyms
, and caring about their
galleries
Use synonyms
 will reflect on the
country
Use synonyms
's income positively. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it will
cuase
Correct your spelling
cause
 tourist attraction alongside teaching other nations the
country
Use synonyms
's
cultur
Correct your spelling
culture
.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
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, generating
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 of revenue
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the region,
contributing
Correct word choice
and contributing
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to
invest
Replace the word
investment
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 in more significant sectors.
For instance
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,
Egyption
Correct your spelling
Egyptian
 power has been spending a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of money on temples,museums, and
art
Use synonyms
garlleries
Correct your spelling
galleries
.
As a result
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,
art
Use synonyms
 places caught the eyes of
billion
Correct your spelling
billions
show examples
 of tourists around the world, making it the most attractive
country
Use synonyms
 for tourists in the world.
Thus
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, allowing the
country
Use synonyms
 to invest in infrastructure, which satisfied the
Eygption
Correct your spelling
Egyptian
 citizen
due to
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 the high revenue the authorities earned. In conclusion, despite people thinking of the worthless of visual
arts
Use synonyms
, their effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
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 quality of life proved the opposite. Starting from,
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 our knowledge about our cultural heritage, how
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
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we preserve, and advance it, to the point we use it in order to benefit our economic income.
Accordingly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government investments in
galleries
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
 are not pointless,
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instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be
encourged
Correct your spelling
encouraged
.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets out your position on the issue. This will help frame your argument for the reader.
logical structure
Provide more structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences to improve the logical structure of your essay. Each paragraph should explore a single main idea.
clear comprehensive ideas
Minimize grammatical and spelling errors to enhance clarity. For instance, 'medetation' should be 'meditation' and 'researshes' should be 'researches'.
complete response
Try to incorporate more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to make your writing more engaging.
relevant specific examples
Use more precise and relevant examples to support your points. This will strengthen the impact of your arguments.
complete response
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a clear position on the issue.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided, such as the case of Chinese meditation and Egyptian tourism, are relevant and help illustrate the points being made.
logical structure
There is a logical flow between paragraphs, making the argument easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Tourist attraction
  • Generates revenue
  • Mental well-being
  • Social cohesion
  • Societal development
  • Quality of life
  • Economic stability
  • Budget constraints
  • Unemployment services
  • Emergency response infrastructure
  • Balanced approach
What to do next:
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