IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that marketing helps promote products to the public. Others claim that well-trained, competent staff are the key to success. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some believe that utilizing appropriate marketing strategies plays a crucial role in promoting
products
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others think the most essential factor to increase sales is hiring competent workers. In my opinion, both aforementioned statements are equally important to have successful results. On the one hand, using the right marketing strategies is considered one of the most effective methods to make people familiarize with the available
products
Use synonyms
 produced by certain
businesses
Use synonyms
. The power of the marketing should not be underestimated since it directly affects the profit of the
businesses
Use synonyms
. By determining the right methods, companies can achieve perceptible differences
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their revenues.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays advertising
products
Use synonyms
 via various social media platforms,
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook, Instagram and YouTube, is a common practice used by many suppliers. Considering the fact that people spend a considerable portion of their time scrolling through their feeds,
this
Linking Words
 might increase consumers' awareness of the
products
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people are constantly exposed to ads that are placed on the windows of public vehicles during their commute to work or other places.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others advocate for the idea that having well-trained and competent staff is the main contributor to achieving a higher level of sales. Customer satisfaction plays a vital role that companies closely follow and try to improve on a continuous basis.
This
Linking Words
 essential factor mainly depends on recruiting workers who can develop good relationships with buyers and present the product with great enthusiasm.
For instance
Linking Words
, many international
businesses
Use synonyms
, especially the ones that operate in the service sector,
such
Linking Words
 as hotels, restaurants, and bars, excessively pay attention to their employees' behaviours toward buyers and have comprehensive recruitment systems in order to choose suitable applicants.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my opinion, both marketing and the quality of service are the key factors that help
businesses
Use synonyms
 attain their goals and increase their profits. Companies should focus on choosing the right marketing strategies and hiring qualified employees to promote their
products
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay is generally well-structured, you could enhance task achievement by providing further relevant and specific examples to support your points. This would make your arguments even more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Transitional phrases and summarizing sentences at the end of each paragraph can help to guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets out the topic well. You have stated both views and your own opinion, which is essential for a high band score.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarises your main points and reinforces your opinion, bringing the essay to a satisfactory close.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is strong. You present both sides of the argument before giving your own opinion, which is a reliable approach.
supported main points
Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples, especially the points regarding social media marketing and the importance of well-trained staff in service sectors.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: