IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Due to advances in science and technology, the lifestyle of people everywhere in the world has become similar. Is this a positive or a negative development ? "

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The world has reached gargantuan technical
achivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
 and globalization has engulfed most countries. One of
consequences
Add an article
the consequences
show examples
 is
unification
Add an article
the unification
a unification
show examples
 of
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 around the world. People often
inclines
Wrong verb form
inclined
show examples
 to the
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 culture of mass consumption and liberal values,
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
lot of societies become more elaborate and
automazed
Correct your spelling
automated
. It is the so-called
post industrial
Add a hyphen
post-industrial
show examples
 economy. I view
this
Linking Words
 process favourably, we will discuss it in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we will consider the positive arguments. As a rule, globalization and following institutions of liberal democracy raise
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
 of living. A plethora of examples confirm
this
Linking Words
 pattern: South Korea, Japan, and postbellum Germany.
Standarts
Correct your spelling
Standards
 of living can be measured using numerous indicators
such
Linking Words
 as GDP per capita, life expectancy, and crime rate.
Thus
Linking Words
 we are
enough
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
objective when we compare different countries. Should we take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 less developed nations, we have to help them with their social evolution and support any integrational processes.
Secondly
Linking Words
, we will consider the negative arguments. Many people around the world are very conservative
therefore
Linking Words
 they resist any life changes. They already have got used to the local culture and their lifestyle, they can consider any foreign political or cultural sway as hostile.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Saudi Arabian case. The Crown Prince insinuates international cultural
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
 in the local Muslim society and he meets with fierce resistance.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we can
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 the diversity of humans if we unify mankind.
To sum up
Linking Words
, every society should choose a way on its own. I don't imagine a life in more archaic conditions, but it is a norm in some places.
Also
Linking Words
, I opine that enforcement doesn't help to raise them, but only they will get angry.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
For a higher score in Task Achievement, ensure that your response directly addresses all parts of the task. You should present a balanced view by addressing both positive and negative aspects comprehensively. Currently, the negative aspects are somewhat underdeveloped.
coherence cohesion
In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, your essay is logically structured, but the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit and concise. Try to clearly state your thesis in the introduction and summarize your points effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use transitions between your points more effectively to improve the flow of your essay. Phrases like 'On the other hand', 'In addition', 'Moreover', and 'In contrast' can help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have shown a solid understanding of the topic and have included relevant examples to support your points, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: