IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace thier functions. Do you agree or disagree?

#libraries #waste #money #computer #technology #thier #functions
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Nowadays, with the development of modern
technology
Use synonyms
, more and more traditional services are less popular than before and one of them is public
libraries
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. There are many
people
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feel
Correct pronoun usage
who feel
show examples
 that maintaining those
libraries
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 is not a suitable choice anymore and it’s a waste of money. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 statement is
computer
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technology
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 can replace and outweigh
Use synonyms
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
Use synonyms
libraries
Fix the agreement mistake
library
show examples
 functions. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because of some reasons. At
first,
Linking Words
people
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 need to find out and understand the advantages of the
computer
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technology
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. A clear thing is it is really convenient, the users just need a
computer
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, a cellphone,... that can connect to the Internet to search for anything, they do not have to go outside to the library and find the book they want. Not only that,
those
Change the determiner
that technology
those technologies
show examples
technology
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 can provide information at a faster speed than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional books,
people
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 can get all the
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 they want to know after
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 seconds but the information is as clear as those in the books, sometimes
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more complete.
And user
Correct word choice
User
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 can get information from many resources to have an
overall
Linking Words
 view In spite of many benefits, the
computer
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technology
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 can not replace the public
libraries
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. The main reason is those
libraries
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 are a part of the country’s
tradition
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 and culture. They have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
existed for a very long time
along with
Linking Words
 the development of the country.
Second,
Linking Words
amount of
people
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come
Correct pronoun usage
who come
show examples
 to
library
Add an article
the library
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 still really large and most of them are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old and middle-aged
people
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. Because of that,
maitaining
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 public
libraries
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 is not a waste of money, it is a way to
maitain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 a country’s
tradition
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 and
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
creat
Correct your spelling
create
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 a place for someone who
love
Change the verb form
loves
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 to read books.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
computer
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technology
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 has all of the
Use synonyms
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
 library’s functions and some other benefits,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it can not replace
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
libraries
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 because of some traditional factors and the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
come
Correct pronoun usage
who come
show examples
 to
Add an article
the library
show examples
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
show examples
.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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task achievement
Ensure that all arguments and points are well-supported with specific examples or data. This will make your essay more convincing and complete.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay. Each paragraph should contain a single main idea that is developed and supported with evidence.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to continuous and effortless flow between paragraphs. Using transitional words and phrases can greatly improve the cohesion of your essay.
overall
Although you have addressed the main points, there are some grammatical errors. Consider proofreading your essay to avoid these minor mistakes and to present a more professional tone.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets up the thesis of the essay well. It clearly states your position regarding the topic.
task achievement
You have shown a good understanding of both sides of the argument, which demonstrates your comprehension of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and reinforces your stance. This helps in providing a clear ending to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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