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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this fact.

#places #world #tourism #source #income #fact
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Tourism has been a hot topic for some time now but people still do not know whether to see it as a problem or a good source of income .
As some
Correct word choice
Some
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 countries seem to thrive on
this
 phenomenon
while
 some are trying to decrease it so it is pretty clear that people have
diffrent oponions
Correct your spelling
different opinions
 about
this
 subject . To
further
 explain we can
firstly
 mention the good side of tourism as it has many advantages
such
 as
,
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apply
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 enhancing the income of the country .
In
addition
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addition,
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 it
also
 provides fame and popularity which will benefit the citizens in many factors for
exampla
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example
 if the place has many
tourist
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tourists
show examples
 other countries will recognize the place and give the people offers to study abroad .
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
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 the country will invest in their cities and make them filled with
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
.
On the other hand
, these
subject
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subjects
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 can lead
multiple
Change preposition
to multiple
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 problems like traffic jams and crowded places that will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 the working class greatly .
Furthermore
, there might be a gradual soar in prices mostly in local shops which is exactly what's happening in Turkey . Another reason is overpopulation some might be keen on the city their visiting and eventually move to it . In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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tourist
Replace the word
tourism
show examples
 can get out of hand but there is no denying the need for them so the better option here is to manage it carefully
while
also
 hiring experts on the topic to not let it get out of hand.
Submitted by aljouri50x50 on

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task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay to catch spelling, grammatical, and typographical errors. For example, 'exampla' should be 'example,' and 'diffrent oponions' should be 'different opinions.'
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. For example, instead of just mentioning traffic jams, cite a specific city or event where tourism led to this issue.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas logically. Try using paragraphs more effectively to separate the advantages from the disadvantages clearly.
coherence cohesion
Add transitional phrases and connectors between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. For example, use phrases like 'On the positive side,' or 'Conversely,' instead of jumping directly into the points.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the debate surrounding tourism, which sets up your essay nicely.
task achievement
Your conclusion provides a reasonable way to manage tourism, highlighting the need for careful planning and expert input.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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