The supplied bar chart above represents the data about people living in rural, urban and town who born in Australia or outside of state between 1995 and 2010.

The supplied bar chart above represents the data about people living in rural, urban and town who born in Australia or outside of state between 1995 and 2010.
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The bar chart shows the data about a
comparation
Correct your spelling
comparison
between
people
Use synonyms
who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
born in
Australia
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and who
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
not born in
Australia
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from 1995 until 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
people
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are living in rural
areas
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,
cities
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, and towns.
To begin
Linking Words
with, the
people
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who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
born in
Australia
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in 1995 and 2010 have some significant differentiations. In
cities
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, the total
percentage
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
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who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
born in
Australia
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was 50 per
cent
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.
Then
Linking Words
,
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
significantly in 2010
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
62 per
cent
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.
Besides
Linking Words
that,
people
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who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
born in
cities
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in
Australia
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in 1995 was 20 per
cent
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. But, in 2010 the amount
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slumped
under
Change preposition
to under
show examples
20 per
cent
Use synonyms
. The same thing
also
Linking Words
happened in rural
areas
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which is
Verb problem
where
show examples
the
percentage
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
plunged from 30 per
cent
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to 18 per
cent
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
born outside
Australia
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in 1995 and 2010
also
Linking Words
had a big gap.
People
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who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
in 2010
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
got higher than in 1995. The gap was
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20 per
cent
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.
This
Linking Words
thing
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
in
Use synonyms
cities area
Fix the agreement mistake
city areas
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
, in towns, there is a slight
percentage
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, in 1995 was 10 per
cent
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and in 2010 was 8 per
cent
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.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in rural
areas
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, a
highly plunged
Replace the word
high plunge
show examples
was happen from from 40 per
cent
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to the lowest at 5 per
cent
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
people
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who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
born in
Australia
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in
cities
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have an
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
percentage
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but in towns and rural
areas
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not, The same thing
goes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
to
people
Use synonyms
who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, besides".
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, areas, cities, percentage, cent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "plunged" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Demographics
  • Migration patterns
  • Population distribution
  • Rural
  • Urban
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Growth rate
  • Settlement patterns
  • Residential categories
  • Urbanization
  • Infrastructure
  • Economic opportunities
  • Lifestyle preferences
  • Residential mobility
  • Urban planning
  • Governmental policies
  • Community impact
  • Data analysis
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