Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Correct article usage
The Olympic
Olympic
is Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
the
one of the most important Change the article
apply
sport
games in the world. It brings positive influence to each country and rising economy like selling the Change the noun form
sports
Olympic
goods, television
advertisements. Correct word choice
and television
However
, other
side says taking place the Correct article usage
the other
Olympic
would waste money. Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
Becuase
they believe that that budget should spend for the other social important problems. Today, I would give opinions Correct your spelling
Because
in
each side with my thinking.
Change preposition
on
Firstly
, there is no doubt that the Olympic
is the most important Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
sport
event for athletics and Change the noun form
sports
people
in the world. Throught
Correct your spelling
Through
a
Remove the article
apply
this
game, many people
would be the
one as Change preposition
in the
a
same nation. Correct article usage
the
In addition
, the public can feel touching
regardless Wrong verb form
touched
to
the grades. Change preposition
of
Also
, we can learn about sportmanship
Correct your spelling
sportsmanship
that
would be a great chance Correct pronoun usage
which
to
Change preposition
for
chlidren
who want to be Correct your spelling
children
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a sport man
sport men
sport
men.
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
On the other hand
, some aruge
that the Correct your spelling
argue
Olympic
is not helpful to Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
the
normal Correct article usage
apply
people
. It needs a lot of money for preparing
the Olmypic, Change preposition
to prepare
becuase
the government Correct your spelling
because
build
Wrong verb form
is building
the
new facilities and service centers which would Correct article usage
apply
use
only for the games. Wrong verb form
be used
Additionally
, during the Olmypic
, the government Correct your spelling
Olympics
can
not focus on Wrong verb form
could
the
other social issues. It can make the public feel Correct article usage
apply
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
discrimination
Replace the word
discriminated
from
the government.
Of course, there are pros and cons, but I think that the Change preposition
against by
olmypic
makes Correct your spelling
Olympic
Olympics
people
can
feel passion as Verb problem
apply
a
one team. It is Remove the article
apply
quite
important effect to develop Change the article
quite an
a quite
country
. I hope a lot of Add an article
the country
people
can enjoy the games.Submitted by ekmds010822 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay should have a clearer introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Additionally, a more structured conclusion that restates these points would improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more transitional phrases to link ideas between paragraphs more smoothly. This will help in creating a more logical structure for the essay.
task achievement
To strengthen your arguments, use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention specific instances where the Olympics boosted the economy or instances where the money could have been better spent.
task achievement
While your ideas are on the right track, some of your arguments would benefit from further development. Try to elaborate a bit more on each point to provide a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
Your essay discusses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic. This is a great aspect of task achievement.
task achievement
You've touched on important themes such as nationalism, economic impact, and social issues, which are relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.