It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages
It is crucial for us to accept
risks
both on
work and home lives. And I believe that the Change preposition
in
advantages
of taking risks
is
greater than the disadvantages.
I believe that Change the verb form
are
risks
helps
us to gain new experience Change the verb form
help
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
on
our work life as it helps us to gain new knowledge. Taking Change preposition
in
risks
when working like trying out new plans or giving solutions to problems faced when working can also
surprise our seniors as it may also
lead to an increase in salary or a change in our position especially on
Change preposition
in
office
as taking Correct article usage
the office
risks
shows us that we are fully responsible for our actions which also
increases our logical thinking and decison
making in the brain. Making us capable Correct your spelling
decision
to handle
situations better and Change preposition
of handling
think
of Wrong verb form
thinking
more
different and faster ways to solve problems.
Correct quantifier usage
apply
On the other hand
, taking risks
on
Change preposition
in
private
lives is Correct pronoun usage
our private
also
advised as it allows us to try new things and broaden up
our knowledge like trying new instruments and applying to universities giving us Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
advantages
like meeting new people, making new friends, experiencing new culture, and a wider range of topics that can be discussed when hanging out with friends. Even though the disadvantages are big as trying new things requires courage but
in the end, the Correct word choice
apply
advantages
outweigh them all.
Overall
, taking risks
ia
strongly advised both Correct your spelling
is
on
our work and home lives as it gives us multiple Change preposition
in
advantages
which broadens
up our knowledge and Change the verb form
broaden
changes
our way of thinking making us Change the verb form
change
be
a better person which greatly Unnecessary verb
apply
outweigh
the disadvantages that we got when we are not taking the Change the verb form
outweighs
risks
or when we take the wrong option.Submitted by lydiaia on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Although your essay covers both professional and personal life risks and their advantages, ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the points you will discuss. Writing a more detailed thesis statement could set a strong foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can affect readability. To boost clarity and formal tone, consider proofreading your essay or using grammar checking tools.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of that paragraph. This helps in maintaining a logical flow and coherence in your writing.
task achievement
Include more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. This could make your essay more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses both sides of the argument, which shows good task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in place with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your position.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.