IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
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Nowadays, there is a rising opinion that preferably nation of all different ages should keep their money for important situations, personally, I agree because spending incomes more accurately will reflect on people's personalities and they will be more responsible,
also
this
 will guarantee their future more safely. On the one hand, If people pay more attention to how are they spending their money; day by day their behaviour will be more mature and responsible, especially for teenagers who are aware of lots of distractions, specifically the new online shopping website that might push them to waste cash.
For instance
, the reason why Japan is one of the most advanced countries is that teenagers are always fully responsible for their fees.
on the other hand
, saving money from waste is a guarantee for a wealthier future, because when people get older they will have more responsibilities like university fees, house rent, etc, so if the person cannot stop paying out sooner or later he/she will be so stressful about the time ahead.
Also
, they will have the ability to afford entertainment activities like travelling, and subscriptions to TV shows,
For example
, A recent study found that society who are not able to spend their fund properly after a couple of years
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
end
Correct subject-verb agreement
ends
show examples
 up being poor.
Submitted by tasneematrash3001 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence. Use linking words and phrases more effectively.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are thoroughly supported by relevant and specific examples. This will enhance the credibility of your argument.
task achievement
Work on crafting more sophisticated sentence structures to convey your ideas more clearly and comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer and more concise introduction and conclusion to frame your argument better.
task achievement
The essay has a clear stance on the topic and addresses the importance of saving money for young people.
coherence cohesion
There is a structured format with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help to support the main arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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