IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The graph below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #people #five #european #countries #unemployment #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given bar chart illustrates the comparison in the proportion of young unemployed people ranging from 15 to 24 and the
overal
Correct your spelling
overall
 numbers of
unemployment
 in five distinctive nations in 2005.
Overall
, the percentages of
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
group
 surpassed the total figures in all countries in the surveyed year, but to varied gaps.
In addition
, Poland accounted for the largest proportion of jobless people in both subjects,
while
 capturing the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 percentage was Denmark. 13% was the percentage of jobless youngsters in Denmark, which was around 5% higher than its total number, both mentioned figures indicated that Denmark had the most hired workers compared to
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
 countries. In Germany, just
one fifth
Add a hyphen
one-fifth
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 did not have a job
while
 the younger people captured 23% of
unemployment
. In Poland, the young
group
 aged 15 to 24 took 37%
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and was 10% higher than
overall
Add an article
the overall
an overall
show examples
 number which led Poland to become a leading country in
unemployment
. There was
amost
Correct your spelling
almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 difference in the number of young adults
group
 and
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 public in Italy and Hungary. The
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 country showcased a lower
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
unemployment
 than the former, 12% and 15% in the young
group
, respectively, and the same tendency was true for the countries' general figures.
Submitted by thanhtu.thcsbt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rate
  • youth unemployment
  • overall unemployment
  • comparison
  • percentage
  • aged between
  • economic conditions
  • educational system
  • vocational training
  • long-term impacts
  • policy changes
  • job training programs
  • disparity
  • national unemployment rates
  • European countries
What to do next:
Look at other essays: