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Band 4.5

Children nowadays watch significantly more television than those in the past, which reduces their activities levels accordingly. Why is this case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activity among children?

#children #television #activities #levels #case #measures #activity
It is argued that
kids
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
time
Correct quantifier usage
more time
show examples
 watching
TV
 shows
much more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
than in
show examples
 the past. I believe that addiction
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
TV
 programs is the main cause behind
this
 problem. And
parents
 should set rules regarding
this
 issue.
One
 cause is the attractive elements that are included in
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 Cartoons.
This
 is to say, that
this
 type of
programs
Fix the agreement mistake
program
show examples
 provide
uniuqe
Correct your spelling
unique
 and special characters, with
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
 backgrounds, which are designed to make
children
 spend more than
one
 hour watching the television.
In addition
 to that, musical
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 being used in
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
 shows which increase a huge number of views, and
this
 is
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the addiction
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
TV
 Cartoons.
For example
,
one
 of the most
popluar
Correct your spelling
popular
 Cartoons in KSA is called "Martha
show
Capitalize word
Show
show examples
"
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 highly depends on musical content which is massively
enterntining
Correct your spelling
entertaining
 for
children
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and makes
children
 memorise all the program songs.
One
 suggested
sloution
Correct your spelling
solution
, is that
parents
 are totally responsible
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 preventing
this
 issue.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they have the authority that makes them able to control the
time
thier
Correct your spelling
their
kids
 spend on
TV
 by setting
time
 limits.
In other words
,
parents
 should eliminate
TV
time
 by setting 30
mintues
Correct your spelling
minutes
 per day for watching
TV
channles
Correct your spelling
channels
.
This
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
will reduce the chance of being a
child
 addicted
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
,
children
 will have more free
time
 that can be consumed in
effective
Change the article
an effective
show examples
 way.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 going to
Correct article usage
a children
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 gym
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
forces a
child
play
Fix the infinitive
to play
show examples
 and
interact
Change the verb form
interacts
show examples
 with other
kids
 which
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 physical health.
For instance
, a recent medical article
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasises
show examples
 the importance of
outdoors
Replace the word
outdoor
show examples
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 develop a
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 cognitive abilities.
To conclude
,
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 programs that are designed to attract a
child
's attention and
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 addiction
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the main cause behind
this
 issue, and
parents
 must control how
children
 spend
thier
Correct your spelling
their
time
 in
healthy
Change the article
a healthy
show examples
 way.
Submitted by noufxmut on

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complete response
Elaborate more on the reasons behind children's addiction to TV. You mentioned attractive elements and musical effects, but other causes like lack of outdoor spaces or busy family schedules could also be discussed.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are some spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'enterntining' instead of 'entertaining' and 'unqiue' instead of 'unique'. Additionally, ensure subject-verb agreement and proper verb forms.
relevant specific examples
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. The example of 'Martha show' is helpful, but perhaps additional examples or studies could be added to strengthen the argument.
logical structure
Add more linking words to ensure smooth transitions between ideas. Phrases like 'Additionally', 'Moreover', and 'Furthermore' can help in connecting your points better.
supported main points
Ensure every main idea is developed in its own separate paragraph to enhance clarity and focus in your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the topic and provides a strong thesis statement outlining the cause and the solution.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the need for parental control.
complete response
You have chosen a relevant and current issue, making your essay interesting and engaging for the reader.
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