Many people choose natural healing methods, such as acupuncture and massage therapy to recover from illness. Others prefer to use pharmaceutical drugs prescribed by their doctor for their alignments. Discuss both views and give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In today's world, opting for natural healing
methods
to recover from illness are
debatable. A group of individuals believe that Correct subject-verb agreement
is
acupunture
and massage therapy are Correct your spelling
acupuncture
prominant
Correct your spelling
prominent
methods
to recover from illness while
others oppose this
and choose medicines
prescribed by their doctor. This
essay will discuss both viewpoints and provide my opinion supported by a profounding evidence
.
Remove the article
profounding evidence
a piece of profounding evidence
a shred of profounding evidence
Firstly
, natural healing methods
are being widely used around the world as they help in longer
run. Once applied, Rephrase
the long
body
tends to heal itself by the virtue of proper blood flow. Add an article
the body
Secondly
, their
Replace the word
there
is
no side effects. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
For instance
, one study carried out by Thakur University stated that natural healing methods
are 50% more effective than the
Correct article usage
apply
medicines
. Hence
, natural healing methods
are more effective in a
Correct article usage
the
longer
run.
Correct word choice
long
On the other hand
, people tend to opt for medicines
prescribed by their doctor. These medicines
are quicker in action and provide instant relief. This
not only helps people to gain control over their pain but also
helps them to get a better sleep
. Remove the article
better sleep
a night of better sleep
For example
, ankle injury is a
very common to a soccer player. A medicine can help them to recover fast and indulge themselves in Change the article
apply
a playing soccer
in a quick time. Remove the article
playing soccer
a game of playing soccer
Hence
, medicines
can be a
effective solution for people who Change the article
an
are
indulge in sporting activities.
Unnecessary verb
apply
To conclude
, both medicines
and natural healing methods
are important and varies
from person to person. A common man would prefer his alignments to take time and heal naturally Correct subject-verb agreement
vary
whereas
, a sport
person would prefer medicine.Change the noun form
sports
Submitted by ankushkhandu on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
advice
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents both viewpoints clearly. However, there are several areas you could improve on:
1. Introduction: Clarify the main topic right from the first sentence. Instead of saying 'debateable,' consider rephrasing to make the sentence smoother.
2. Grammar and Spelling: Correct minor grammatical and spelling errors ('are prominant' -> 'are prominent,' 'their is no side effects' -> 'there are no side effects').
3. Content: Ensure examples are more specific and integrated into the argument seamlessly. Some statements, such as the Thakur University study, need clearer connection to the point being made.
4. Vocabulary: Try to vary your vocabulary more and avoid repetition ('natural healing methods' appears quite frequently).
5. Conclusion: Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the main points and providing a more definitive statement.
6. Transitions: Use linking words/phrases to ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
highlight
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a nice structure to your argument.
highlight
You have addressed both viewpoints and supported your ideas with examples. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.