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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree courses. The table shows the salaries of anthropologists in work after 5 years.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree courses. The table shows the salaries of anthropologists in work after 5 years.
#anthropology #graduates #university #courses #salaries #anthropologists #work #years
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The pie graph illustrates different
destination
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destinations
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 of anthropology after they completed their higher education degree
on
Change preposition
at
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 one university. And the second chart displays their
salaries
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 in three
sectors
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 (freelance,
government
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 and private companies) by 5 years'
work
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of anthropology
works
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work
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 full-time,
while
Linking Words
 the minority of them
work
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 part-time and postgrad study. and the highest
salaries
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 in
government
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sectors
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 more than others. Half of
Anthropolgy
Correct your spelling
Anthropology
 have full-time
work
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, and part-time a quarter of them, with a
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little
littile
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little
 in unemployment only 12%,
also
Linking Words
bothnot
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both not
 known and full-time post
gradyuted
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graduate
 study had similar percentages at 8%.
However
Linking Words
, the lowest percentage of anthropology at part-time
work
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 and post
garduated
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graduate
graduated
 study at 5%. The highest
salaries
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 were 100000 dollars and the
government
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Use synonyms
sectors
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sector
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 had a 50% of it , which is more than other
sectors
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 40% in freelance consultants and
onlt
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only
 30% in private companies.
While
Linking Words
 the lowest percentage of the
salaries
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 on;y 25000-49999 dollars were 5% in two
sectors
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 the
government
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 and the freelance.
Submitted by saja.alotaibi on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salaries, sectors, government, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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