Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?
O The rapid increase a significant reduction
of
crime rate has become a pressing issue for many countries recently. Change preposition
in
While
revealing the
viable solutions to mitigate that, some countries have realized the establishment of prisons as an ideal method. Correct article usage
apply
Nevertheless
, others assert that the education of the citizens is the
paramount. I totally agree with the Change the article
apply
later
view and my stance on it will be discussed in the following essay.
First Correct your spelling
latter
foremost
, it is widely speculated thatCorrect word choice
and foremost
,
Remove the comma
apply
the
poverty plays a pivotal role that Correct article usage
apply
triggers
the Wrong verb form
triggering
crimining
Correct your spelling
criminal
among
Change preposition
in
the
society. Eventually, the lower Correct article usage
apply
economical
stability creates criminals who ought to seek Replace the word
economic
for
money Change preposition
apply
in
illegal methodologies, like murdering or stealing. Change preposition
through
Thus
, addressing that key issue is the highest prioritized responsibility of the rulers. It is conspicuous that, the education of people is an ideal way that can be used in ddecreasing
the heinous activities in a society. Correct your spelling
decreasing
For example
, developed European countries with higher literacy have lowest
reported illegalities Correct article usage
the lowest
where
that of developing Asians is still in considerable Correct word choice
whereas
amount
.
In the same way, the basic life qualities like Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
huminity
,compassion,
and the sense of helping others Correct your spelling
humility
humanity
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
crucial
influence on the Add an article
a crucial
behavior
of any individual. Change the spelling
behaviour
Hence
, a long time determined
plan should be activated by Add a hyphen
time-determined
government
to minimize the occurrence of criminals. Add an article
the government
Similarly
, the people should be educated that ,rather than learning after an
imprisonment, avoidance of Remove the article
apply
such
bruities
is much Correct your spelling
beauties
bruises
important
. Correct quantifier usage
more important
For instance
, the Japanese rulers' aim was inculcating the kids by adding humanity for
Change preposition
as
a
elementary Correct article usage
an
subjects
and it has resultedFix the agreement mistake
subject
Add the preposition
in
from
of
crime rates in Japan.
Change preposition
in
In contrast
, as accepted by some nations, prisons can be utilized as a deterrent against the tendency of committing crimes and also
to ensure the
social safety by keeping Correct article usage
apply
murders
and rapists inside cells. But, the budget used in maintaining those is Replace the word
murderers
a
futile, that can be invested for a school which will Change the article
apply
result
positive things in future.
Add the preposition
result in
result from
To conclude
, the
prisons are essential for a country to keep the culcrips in custody but not as a way of reduction of savages. In the means of minimizing them, the enhancement of the education of the population should be done.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by oriexam6 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the overall coherence of your essay. Some paragraphs lack a clear logical flow, making it harder for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Double-check for grammatical errors and typos. Words like 'crimining' should be corrected to 'crimes,' and spelling need attention.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the points are developed fully. This will enhance the structure and make your essay more compelling.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the argument and clearly states your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly wraps up the essay, reiterating the main points and stance.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points. The example of Japanese education is a solid piece of evidence to back your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!