IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children’s story book are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. To what extend do you agree?

#people #children #time #children’s #story #book #activities
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Using
time
 wisely is important especially as a
child
 since every second will contribute to their personality. Some individuals believe kids reading
children
's
stories
 for a significant amount of
time
 is nothing but a waste of
time
 which can be used by doing other activities. In my opinion, I fully agree with the statement unless the
books
 actually teach a lesson or prevent something. Maximising one's usage of
time
 by trying to develop is extremely essential.
Hence
 people are calling out
children
 who waste their
time
 on
books
 to find other
things
 to do. Learning about life by experience is super vital for building a great personality. I believe that
children
's
books
 block that
due to
 it being too dreamy and unrealistic.
For instance
, where in the world do we see a carpet flying or even a mouse talking are those
things
 going to contribute at the same rate as going out for a hike
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Moreover
, an activity like hiking could teach a
child
 how to never give up. having a goal in mind,
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
, and many other lessons which most
children
's
books
 lack.
Children
's
stories
 could be useful by containing life lessons which is the point
that is
 limiting my agreement level. Being true to yourself
as well as
 sharing kindness are seen in most
stories
 that are presented to
children
. Another example is sharing awareness of several incidents that are going on.
Furthermore
, a
child
 who is up to date with the
books
 released is most likely to be aware of
things
 that people his age have no clue about. It is these kinds of messages that could easily enter
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 mind of a
child
. and makes his
time
 spent on
books
 more worthy. Managing
time
 wisely has a huge contribution to a person's character. People think that younger generations spending a huge amount of
time
 on
stories
 is a terrible thing to do. Since other
things
 may be more useful, which I agree with except if the story itself raises awareness.
Submitted by hamdanaldehaihani37 on

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task achievement
Focus on clearly presenting your main ideas and ensuring they directly respond to the essay prompt. While you have addressed the topic, the argument in your introduction could be clearer.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay logically, ensuring each paragraph flows naturally into the next. In your essay, paragraph transitions can be smoother and more cohesive.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more specific examples and explanations. While you provided some examples, additional detailed examples could help strengthen your points.
task achievement
Your ideas are insightful, and you make several valid points on the importance of time management and the benefits of reading children's books with life lessons.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which provides a clear direction for your response.
coherence cohesion
You attempt to use meaningful transitions and connectors, which helps guide the reader through your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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