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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children’s story book are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. To what extend do you agree?

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Some people believe that it could be better for
children
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 to spend less
time
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 reading story
books
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 for
children
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 and more
time
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 on other activities because reading these
books
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 is wasting their precious
time
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. I mostly disagree with
this
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 opinion because of several
benefits
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 of reading
children
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's story
books
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such
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 as improving imagination and language abilities. Admittedly, other activities seem to have some
benefits
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.
For example
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, exercising like running and swimming can not only enhance
children
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's physical health but
also
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 improve their muscles and agility.
Additionally
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, playing team sports may contribute to building friendships and fostering communication skills, which are generally significant elements
to
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of
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 living in our society.
However
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, there are various advantages to reading a child story book. One of these
benefits
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 is that reading
it
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apply
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may strengthen a child's imagination. Through experiencing numerous childish
stories
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,
children
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 can imagine their own unique world and fascinating characters.
Furthermore
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, reading these
stories
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 might allow them to feel empathy and empathy for
characters
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the characters
show examples
 in
books
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.
This
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 active immersiveness is perhaps hard for them to gain in today's passive platform content like YouTube and TikTok. Another merit of reading
stories
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 is that
children
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 can improve their linguistic abilities like reading, speaking and writing. Through immersive experiences of
such
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stories
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,
children
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 could learn literary expressions and descriptions, which helps them to express their emotions and ideas more clearly and logically.
Additionally
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,
this
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 experience might lead to improving other academic subjects
such
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 as math and science. Some Japanese educational studies show that students who prefer to read tend to get higher scores in examinations than others who spend less
time
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 reading. In conclusion, reading
stories
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 can bring several
benefits
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 like improved imagination and better language skills
while
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 other activities might
also
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 have other advantages. In my opinion, well-balanced engagements would be necessary for
children
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 to develop their mental and physical well-being.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt well, further elaboration on certain points would make the argument stronger. Providing more specific examples and evidence to support the benefits of reading would enhance the essay's completeness.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, which is a good practice. More emphasis could be placed on balancing activities and how different activities can be complementary rather than opposing.
coherence cohesion
Consider using transitional phrases to improve the logical flow between paragraphs. This will help to make the argumentation smoother and more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences and ideas would benefit from further elucidation and better connections. For example, the last part of the essay could more clearly explain how balanced engagement leads to overall development.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured response.
coherence cohesion
The main points are relevant and well-organized, demonstrating a coherent argument.
task achievement
You provide a balanced perspective by acknowledging the advantages of other activities while advocating for the benefits of reading children's books.
task achievement
The language is clear and mostly concise, which helps in conveying the main ideas effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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