Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many college students agree to acquire additional other subjects beyond their
main stream
Correct your spelling
mainstream
show examples
.
On the contrary
, other people believe that the most crucial thing is to focus on learning the
main stream
Correct your spelling
mainstream
show examples
for the best achievement. In my opinion, even though it is important to get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
deeper understanding
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the main
subject
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to gain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wider knowledge
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
could consider
other main
Change the wording
another main subject
other main subjects
show examples
subject
to learn something new. In the undergraduate stage,
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
used to learn specific knowledge
according to
the majority they have
choose
Change the form of the verb
chosen
show examples
.
However
, in some
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
, there is an opportunity to take
other
Change the wording
another subject
other subjects
show examples
subject
they wish to learn. There are at least 2 advantages to
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
another
subject
such
as
enlarge
Wrong verb form
enlarging
show examples
the networking by knowing other people from other faculty and
enrichment
Replace the word
enriching
show examples
the experience.
This
person
usually
Add a missing verb
is usually
show examples
defined as a general
person
.
Therefore
, for the general
person
, if the chance is
opens
Replace the word
open
show examples
it is a good chance in terms of getting a wider perspective. The specialised
person
who tends to have
deeper
Add an article
a deeper
show examples
insight
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
learning something will refuse to waste their time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying
irrelevant
Add an article
the irrelevant
an irrelevant
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
. They prefer to spend their time longer in study certain knowledge which
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
only evitable to get a deep understanding but
also
become
master
Fix the agreement mistake
masters
show examples
in that field.
This
type of
person
usually has a target goal in their future life to be the master in a certain field. In conclusion,
this
is a never
endings
Fix the agreement mistake
ending
show examples
debate between general with specialised
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Therefore
, it is understandable whether the student
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
to get
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
subject
or focus on
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
subject
as long as
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
show examples
responsible with their choices.
Submitted by nourmarasyidah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to improve the logical flow of your essay. The main points should be clearly connected with each other, and the use of transitional phrases can help to achieve this. For example, when discussing the benefits of learning additional subjects, you can use phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to link ideas smoothly.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, include more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and help to illustrate your ideas clearly.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas in more depth. For instance, when talking about the benefits of being a generalist, provide specific scenarios or experiences that can make your point more substantial.
general advice
Check for grammatical accuracy and proper word choice. Improving these aspects will make your essay more readable and comprehensible. For example, replace 'irrelevant subject' with 'unrelated subjects' and 'enlargement' with 'broadening' to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Conclude your essay with a clear summary of the main points discussed and restate your opinion. This will help to reinforce your arguments and make your conclusion stronger.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage well by presenting both sides of the argument.
task achievement
The essay clearly states your own opinion, which is important for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: