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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

A growing number of people rely on restuarants and convenience food(frozen food and packaged meals) rather than home-cooked food to supply most of their meals. What are the advantages and disadvantages of eating this way?

#people #restuarants #convenience #food #meals
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After the development of the Internet, every country is connected to social networks or games, going around places like YouTube and Instagram. It's a wonderful situation that smartphones didn't even exist until 2008. But now, most people can use VR in their rooms without the need for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third world
Add a hyphen
third-world
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 and underdeveloped countries. Virtual reality technology and these fantastic technologies are getting closer and closer.
Nevertheless
, I would say that
this
 is a kind of double-edged sword. In a negative light, the meanings of history and tradition disappear. In the case of Korea,
for example
, they could not get married if their
last
 name was the same. It was to prevent DNA problems caused by their ancestry, but after 1924, they
don't
Wrong verb form
didn't
show examples
 care anymore. Before 1924, Koreans followed important rules,
such
 as using special symbols for their
last
 names.
According to
this
 rule, people could much more easily know who their cousins were, but after 100 years,
this
 rule
means
Wrong verb form
meant
show examples
 nothing at all.
Nevertheless
, not everything is negative because sometimes great power comes from diversity
such
 as the United States. Based on sufficient education and understandable minds, the true meaning of collaboration will lead people to a great future.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are clearly divided into paragraphs and that each paragraph discusses one central idea.
task achievement
Provide specific, relevant examples to support your points more effectively. This will help illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly and comprehensively expressed. Sometimes, sentences need to be clearer to convey your points effectively. Consider revising complex or ambiguous sentences.
task achievement
The essay presents an interesting and relevant topic, discussing both positive and negative aspects of modern technology.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is engaging and sets the stage for the discussion effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rely on
  • restuarants
  • convenience food
  • frozen food
  • packaged meals
  • home-cooked food
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • convenience
  • time-saving
  • variety of choices
  • cooking skills
  • health concerns
  • lack of control over
  • ingredients
  • expensive
  • potential
  • overeating
What to do next:
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