IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries encourage foreign companies to open a branch office in their country. Many people think that the government should focus on encouraging local businesses to expand rather than inviting foreign businesses to open branches To what extent do you agree?

#countries #companies #branch #office #country #people #government #focus #businesses #branches
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It is true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it is irrefutable that traditional
cultures
Use synonyms
 will be lost when
technology
Use synonyms
 develops. Some say that
technology
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and traditional values are mismatched. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for the following reasons.
To commence
Fix the infinitive
Commence
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with
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apply
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,
technology
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 and traditional
cultures
Use synonyms
 are interconnected because
technology
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role
to protect
Change preposition
in protecting
show examples
 conservative values.
This
Linking Words
 is,
cultures
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are interchange
Change the verb form
are interchanged
are interchanging
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around the world,
all
Correct word choice
and all
show examples
 credit goes to
technology
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; people move
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
nations
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 for work and study
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
, but they still adhere
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 traditional
cultures
Use synonyms
 by using
technology
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, take Indians, they have moved
many
Change preposition
to many
show examples
nations
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but still
celebrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
celebrate
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 all Indian traditional festivals
such
Linking Words
 as Holi, Diwali and pooja festivals.
Hence
Linking Words
,
technology
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 Protects our old
cultures
Use synonyms
 to follow, and
cultures
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 never will be lost by
Use synonyms
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 progress.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
technology
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 can help to preserve our ancestor's
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 modern era,
myraid
Correct your spelling
myriad
Change preposition
of western
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western
Capitalize word
Western
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nations
Use synonyms
 are following Asian
nation
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's traditions.
That is
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 spreads one
nation
Use synonyms
's
cultures
Use synonyms
 and traditions to other
nations
Use synonyms
 to understand.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Halloween festival usually celebrates only the USA residents; but nowadays all
nation
Use synonyms
's individuals are celebrated because of
technology
Use synonyms
. Needless to say, if
technology
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 would not
develops
Change the verb form
develop
show examples
, traditional culture would be erased. In conclusion,
technology
Use synonyms
 is irrefutable
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
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lives, especially preserves
cultures
Use synonyms
, not only
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
single
nation
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 preserves to around the world;
As well as
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps to spread
cultures
Use synonyms
 to other
nations
Use synonyms
, so they have a chance to know other countries.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree that
technology
Use synonyms
 and traditional
cultures
Use synonyms
 are connected
coupled with
Linking Words
 matched.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task and presents clear and relevant arguments. However, it would benefit from a more detailed development of ideas and more specific examples to support your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay. Consider using more linking words and phrases to help guide your reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that address the topic directly, which is good for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have made a strong attempt to argue that technology can help preserve traditional cultures, which is a well-defined stance and fulfills the task requirements.
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