Some countries encourage foreign companies to open a branch office in their country. Many people think that the government should focus on encouraging local businesses to expand rather than inviting foreign businesses to open branches To what extent do you agree?
It is true that
,
it is irrefutable that traditional Remove the comma
apply
cultures
will be lost when technology
develops. Some say that technology
,
and traditional values are mismatched. I strongly disagree with Remove the comma
apply
this
statement for the following reasons.
To commence
Fix the infinitive
Commence
with
, Change preposition
apply
technology
and traditional cultures
are interconnected because technology
plays a crucial role to protect
conservative values. Change preposition
in protecting
This
is, cultures
are interchange
Change the verb form
are interchanged
are interchanging
in
these days Change preposition
apply
to
around the world, Change preposition
apply
all
credit goes to Correct word choice
and all
technology
; people move other
Change preposition
to other
nations
for work and study purpose
, but they still adhere Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
their
traditional Change preposition
to their
cultures
by using technology
. For example
, take Indians, they have moved many
Change preposition
to many
nations
,
but still Remove the comma
apply
celebrates
all Indian traditional festivals Correct subject-verb agreement
celebrate
such
as Holi, Diwali and pooja festivals. Hence
, technology
Protects our old cultures
to follow, and cultures
never will be lost by technology
progress.
Replace the word
technological
Furthermore
, technology
can help to preserve our ancestor's tradition
in Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
this
modern era, myraid
Correct your spelling
myriad
Change preposition
of western
western
Capitalize word
Western
nations
are following Asian nation
's traditions. That is
, technology
spreads one nation
's cultures
and traditions to other nations
to understand. For instance
, the Halloween festival usually celebrates only the USA residents; but nowadays all nation
's individuals are celebrated because of technology
. Needless to say, if technology
would not develops
, traditional culture would be erased.
In conclusion, Change the verb form
develop
technology
is irrefutable of
Change preposition
in
people
lives, especially preserves Change noun form
people's
cultures
, not only a
single Change preposition
in a
nation
but also
preserves to around the world; As well as
it
helps to spread Correct pronoun usage
apply
cultures
to other nations
, so they have a chance to know other countries. Therefore
, I strongly disagree that technology
and traditional cultures
are connected coupled with
matched.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task and presents clear and relevant arguments. However, it would benefit from a more detailed development of ideas and more specific examples to support your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay. Consider using more linking words and phrases to help guide your reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that address the topic directly, which is good for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have made a strong attempt to argue that technology can help preserve traditional cultures, which is a well-defined stance and fulfills the task requirements.