Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’ world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is no denying the fact that there are several critical
subjects
that should be
thought
Verb problem
taught
show examples
in schools.
While
it is a commonly held belief that
history
could be
important
Rephrase
as important
show examples
as science and
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
, there is
also
an argument
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
says there are more important
subjects
to teach
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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than
history
.
This
essay will analyse
this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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hand, by knowing more about
history
the new generation could understand more about their cultures.
In other words
,
this
could lead them to be more connected to their traditions
as well as
societies, which leads to
bridge
Wrong verb form
bridging
show examples
the gap between them and
eldry
Correct your spelling
elderly
every
people.
In addition
, there is a quote
says
Correct pronoun usage
that says
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"
no
Capitalize word
No
show examples
history
no future" which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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all
ther
Correct your spelling
the
their
new innovations and developments that we have now, it was not possible to have
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
without backing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
history
.
For example
, till now researchers and scientists
refer
Wrong verb form
have referred
show examples
te
Correct your spelling
to
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old books and references to develop their studies.
On the other hand
, science and
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
could be the most critical
subjects
at schools, because it may be the
begning
Correct your spelling
beginning
of a new innovation. It is
also
possible to say that by these
subjects
a nation might be more developed and has the potential to be a leader in many sectors.
Moreover
, nowadays technology has become a crucial part
in
Change preposition
of
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our
Correct your spelling
lives
lifes
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lives
show examples
which
make
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makes
show examples
it one of the most critical courses
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
any level in schools.
For instance
, these two
subjects
have become used in numerous fields, even though
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
might be not directly related to
it
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them
show examples
such
as medical sectors and how the IA has
applied
Add a missing verb
been applied
show examples
in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In
conclousion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, there are no easy answers to
this
question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that science and technology
subjects
are way more
importent
Correct your spelling
important
than
history
because in the world that we live in
now
Add a comma
now,
show examples
those
subjects
are more needed.
Submitted by marim.almualim on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear but could be more concise. Avoid overly general statements and focus on the topic more directly.
task achievement
Support your points with more detailed examples and explanations to provide a stronger, well-rounded argument.
task achievement
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage to enhance the clarity and precision of your response.
coherence cohesion
While the overall structure is logical, make sure to have smooth transitions between ideas to maintain coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have addressed both views as required by the task, providing a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure, with clear divisions between the introduction, main body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have made a good effort to explain the relevance of history and science/technology in education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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