The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.
The chart illustrates the frequency of humans in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
partaking
junk
Change preposition
in junk
show examples
food
in restaurants between the years 2003 and 2013. It should
be note
Change the verb form
be noted
show examples
that the majority of people who ate fast
food
dominate
Wrong verb form
dominated
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the range of those who ate once a week or twice a month in the years 2006 and 2013. The lowest percentages are from those who eat daily
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
followed by those who do not eat junk
food
at all.  The highest of junk
food
eaters
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
almost 33% found in 2006 and 2013 in people who eat fast foods once a week and
also
once or twice a month.  These were followed by almost 31% who ate once a week  and
also
those who ate once or twice a month with 30%. The lowest percentage is almost 2.5% and it is seen in people who
eat
Wrong verb form
ate
show examples
faddy
food
daily in 2006 and 2013 having the same percentage
and and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
followed by almost 4% in 2003. 
Moreso
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
, those who never ate faddy
food
were
also
below 5% in 2003 and about 4.5% in both 2006 and 2013.
Submitted by pncubeterera on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Linking words: Add more linking words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words food with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fast food consumption
  • Frequency
  • Dining trends
  • Demographic factors
  • Peak periods
  • Downward/upward trend
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Economic impact
  • Health implications
  • Convenience foods
  • Eating habits
  • Statistical evidence
  • Year-over-year comparison
  • Fluctuation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: