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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #results #survey #people #city #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph sets out the main motivations
people
Use synonyms
 described for migration to
capital
Add an article
the capital
show examples
 city of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own country. The general trend for the
period
Use synonyms
 2000 to 2015 is of an obvious increase in
Correct article usage
the nubmer
show examples
nubmer
Correct your spelling
number
 of
people
Use synonyms
 moving to the capital.
Acording
Correct your spelling
According
 to the chart, the main reason
people
Use synonyms
 moved to the capital, is
employment
Use synonyms
. It started with a number
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 60,000 in 2005, which was 6 times more than family/trends and adventure, and
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rise
Replace the word
rose
show examples
 to 90,000 in 2010.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 decreased to less than 90,000
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
, but remained the most important reason
overall
Linking Words
. The most impressive increase belongs to study, which
finally
Linking Words
 became more than 3 times bigger than its
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
, from 25,000 in 2005 to about 87,000 in 2015.
This
Linking Words
 sudden rise made
this
Linking Words
 motive equal in number with
employment
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
.
At
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other side, family/
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 and adventure in the same
period
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 had a steady growth and did not
changed
Change the verb form
change
show examples
 extremely. In conclusion, it can be found that family/friends and adventure were not the major causes in comparison to
emplyment
Correct your spelling
employment
 and study for the
people
Use synonyms
 to move to the capital and
although
Linking Words
employment
Use synonyms
 has the most number of
people
Use synonyms
 moved for,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
study reason
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
 to eventually become as important as
employment
Use synonyms
. 1 <
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, period, employment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moved" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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