IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the average duration of housework women did (unemployed, part-time employed and full-time) when compared to men who had full-time work in the UK between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the average duration of housework women did (unemployed, part-time employed and full-time) when compared to men who had full-time work in the UK between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #duration #housework #women #men #work #uk #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph depicts the average
hours
Use synonyms
 spent on
housework
Use synonyms
 in the UK between 1985 and 2005. There are four categories : three types of
women
Use synonyms
 who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 unemployed, part-
time
Use synonyms
 employed ,full-
time
Use synonyms
 employed and a type of full-
time
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 worker.
Overall
Linking Words
,
efforted
Verb problem
the amount of
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 on
housework
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 not working
women
Use synonyms
 was the highest during the given period. And
housework
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 who have a job
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 fluctuated with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same trend.
In addition
Linking Words
,
meaningful
Correct article usage
a meaningful
show examples
 change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 employers was that they tried to help their
wife
Fix the agreement mistake
wives
show examples
 more, as
time
Use synonyms
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 by.
Women
Use synonyms
 who didn't have a job had lots of free
time
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 spend 6~7
hours
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cleaning, cooking, etc.
However
Linking Words
, career
men
Use synonyms
 didn't do much at home from 1985 to 1995. They only spent 1 hour. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the figures for
men
Use synonyms
 increased to 1.5
hours
Use synonyms
 in 2005, it is too short.
Women
Use synonyms
 who are
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 employers put less effort
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
housework
Use synonyms
 in 1995, compared to 1985, but it increased in 2005.
Submitted by starmino0113 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, housework, women, men, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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