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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects inaddition to their major subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to their main subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#university #students #subjects #inaddition #time #attention
It is argued that some learners want to study an extra
subject
 apart from their major,
while
 others believe that it is more crucial to concentrate on the major
subject
. In
this
 study, I will discuss both sides and give my opinion. On the one hand, some
students
 are talented
to multitask
Change preposition
at multitasking
show examples
.
This
 means they can take an extra
course
 on top of the main
subject
 they are studying and have
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
outstanding results, and
this
 will improve their curriculum vitae later in life.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Nursing
students
 at the University of Florida are encouraged to take a computer
course
.
This
 skill will
be of
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a significant impact when it comes to job hunting after school.
Further
, the extra
course
 enables them to lower competition among different people who will be in need of specialists as the employers
selects
Change the verb form
select
show examples
 the one with the many
courses
.
On the other hand
,
students
 are expected to dedicate their time to the
courses
 which they applied in various colleges or universities.
This
 helps to provide quality results as there is no time lost
while
 concentrating on the other subjects.
For example
, the UK university has set a rule to ban
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scholars from taking an extra class before the completion of main
courses
.
This
 shows that there is a need to produce quality but not quantity as far as career growth is concerned. In conclusion, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the argument that an extra
course
 is vital for the
students
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that they should do one thing at a time.
That is
, they finish with the major
courses
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 take the extra
subject
 independently.
Submitted by janenjeru6 on

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task achievement
Your thesis statement in the introduction is clear, but it seems slightly mechanical. Try to make it more engaging or nuanced.
task achievement
In your conclusion, be consistent in capitalizing 'I'. Minor errors like these can affect the overall impression.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding transitions or connecting words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, 'furthermore' instead of 'further'.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a more nuanced conclusion that revisits the main points discussed. A strong conclusion ties the argument together more cohesively.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and illustrative, which strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which aids reader understanding.
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