IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects inaddition to their major subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to their main subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#university #students #subjects #inaddition #time #attention
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It is argued that some learners want to study an extra
subject
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 apart from their major,
while
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 others believe that it is more crucial to concentrate on the major
subject
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. In
this
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 study, I will discuss both sides and give my opinion. On the one hand, some
students
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 are talented
to multitask
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at multitasking
show examples
.
This
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 means they can take an extra
course
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 on top of the main
subject
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 they are studying and have
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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outstanding results, and
this
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 will improve their curriculum vitae later in life.
For instance
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Nursing
students
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 at the University of Florida are encouraged to take a computer
course
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.
This
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 skill will
be of
Verb problem
have
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 a significant impact when it comes to job hunting after school.
Further
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, the extra
course
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 enables them to lower competition among different people who will be in need of specialists as the employers
selects
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select
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 the one with the many
courses
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.
On the other hand
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,
students
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 are expected to dedicate their time to the
courses
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 which they applied in various colleges or universities.
This
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 helps to provide quality results as there is no time lost
while
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 concentrating on the other subjects.
For example
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, the UK university has set a rule to ban
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scholars from taking an extra class before the completion of main
courses
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.
This
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 shows that there is a need to produce quality but not quantity as far as career growth is concerned. In conclusion, despite
of
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apply
show examples
the argument that an extra
course
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 is vital for the
students
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that they should do one thing at a time.
That is
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, they finish with the major
courses
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then
Correct word choice
and then
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 take the extra
subject
Use synonyms
 independently.
Submitted by janenjeru6 on

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task achievement
Your thesis statement in the introduction is clear, but it seems slightly mechanical. Try to make it more engaging or nuanced.
task achievement
In your conclusion, be consistent in capitalizing 'I'. Minor errors like these can affect the overall impression.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding transitions or connecting words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, 'furthermore' instead of 'further'.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a more nuanced conclusion that revisits the main points discussed. A strong conclusion ties the argument together more cohesively.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and illustrative, which strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which aids reader understanding.
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