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Band 4.5

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a work place every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

#say #majority #employees #home #work #place
These days, technology has been developing really fast;
as a result
, we can
work
frome
Correct your spelling
from
 home
instead
 of
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in
office
Correct article usage
an office
show examples
also
, a group of
people
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that working in
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 better than travelling to a
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 every day.
While
 there are some drawbacks of working
in
Add a hyphen
in-house
show examples
house
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in my opinion, these cannot overshadow the benefits. The merits of following
work
 from houses are several.
Firstly
, employees who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
work
 in their home place do not
spen
Correct your spelling
spend
 a
lot
 of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the kindergarden
show examples
kindergarden
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
 that children go there because these kids can stay
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
.
Secondly
,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
people
 can
cooked
Change the verb form
be cooked
cook
show examples
, but it is
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
 that they
Accurate
Add a missing verb
are Accurate
show examples
 in their
work
.
Thirdly
,
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
population
Change the determiner
populations
show examples
 do not need to spend a
lot
 of not only money but
also
 time for
transporat
Correct your spelling
transport
 to
work
. To
illustate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
, these
people
 must both
driving
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
 or
catching
Wrong verb form
catch
show examples
 public
transporatation
Correct your spelling
transportation
; so that, they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a
lot
 of money and time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them, but
in other words
, they can use these items
for improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 lives and
work
.
Nevertheless
,
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
 points of working far are
varides
Correct your spelling
varies
various
. On the one hand, It is crucial that
people
 have good Internet
due to
 the fact when their network is weak
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
mightnot
Correct your spelling
might not
work
perfect
Change the adjective
perfectly
show examples
.
On the other hand
, spending a
lot
 of time in the
house
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 essential ills like obesity,
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 cannot display goods,
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 other things.
In addition
, if you
work
 with other
people
,
then
 it can improve your social behaviour.
To conclude
, working in the
house
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a ranges
show examples
ranges
Fix the agreement mistake
range
show examples
 of good points;
furthermore
, it cannot
eplices
Correct your spelling
eliminate
 demerits;
however
, we have to learn how can we
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 the disadvantages.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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grammar
Work on grammar and spelling to enhance clarity. Utilize grammar-checking tools, and consider reviewing common grammar rules before writing.
task response
Make sure to develop your points comprehensively. Each main idea should be introduced, explained, and supported with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence, and ideas should flow smoothly from one to the next.
vocabulary
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to make your essay more engaging. Use synonyms and avoid repeating the same words.
task response
The introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion.
task response
You provided examples to support your points, which helps in making your argument clearer.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a conclusion that summarizes the main points adequately.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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