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Band 5

Some people believe that traveling is a valuable experience; others say it is a waste of time and money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#some #people #waste #time #money
Although
 some
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that visiting other countries
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a positive
effacts
Correct your spelling
effects
effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
soul
Correct article usage
the soul
show examples
 and body others prefer saving money and time rather than spending
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 on travel.
However
,
this
 essay will discuss the
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
 of having a new experience from other countries in the
world
 and how
traviling
Correct your spelling
travelling
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 the brain and the way people think by learning about other
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
.
Firstly
, one of the best
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to discover the
world
 is by travel and
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
 new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
,going to another country like Egypt or India
open
Correct subject-verb agreement
opens
show examples
 a new window in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history,
for example
, Egypt has places built a thousand years ago by the slaves who built the pyramids of Giza,
also
 there is the
islamic
Change the capitalization
Islamic
show examples
 castles and mosques from the golden age of Islam.
Furthermore
,
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 the historical
places
Add a comma
places,
show examples
 visitors can have fun and relax at night
party
Fix the agreement mistake
parties
show examples
 which is very popular in Egypt.
However
, individuals should at least travel once in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to experience and see the past and present of the
world
 and gain a wider vision for the future.
In addition
 to the above points, folks can learn about other cultures and their tradition,
beside taste
Change preposition
besides tasting
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
different types of food like Asian dishes or Italian food.
Moreover
, people who
travels
Change the verb form
travel
show examples
 a lot
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 an open
minded
Replace the word
mind
show examples
 which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
understand
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
world
 and build
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
relationships easily.
For instance
, one of my friends every year goes to a different city in Europe which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 her to learn
Correct article usage
the english
show examples
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 language like a native and have a job in a global company. there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a
lots
Change the noun form
lot
show examples
 of things can
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 from learning about other nation and their
tradtion
Correct your spelling
tradition
 which is worth
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 money and time
.
Rephrase
on.
show examples
 In conclusion, I believe
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 is the best
Correct your spelling
method
methode
Correct your spelling
method
 to enjoy and relax
holidays
Change preposition
on holidays
show examples
 and discover the
world
, which
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 the brain to see
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other aspects
Submitted by mariaalshrife on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses both views and offers your own opinion, try to provide a more balanced discussion. This means spending a bit more time discussing the perspective that finds travel to be a waste of time and money.
language
There are several grammatical and spelling errors that hinder readability. Pay attention to plural forms, verb tenses, and correct spelling. For example, 'pepole' should be 'people', 'effacts' should be 'effects', and 'traviling' should be 'traveling'.
coherence cohesion
Some of your sentences are lengthy and could be broken down into shorter, clearer sentences. This will improve the readability of your essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as mentioning Egypt and your friend's experiences. These help illustrate your points well.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and appropriately frame the discussion. This helps give the essay a good overall structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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