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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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The migration of
citizens
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 from suburban
areas
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 to urban
places
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 is increasing worldwide, which leads to
Correct article usage
a dicreasing
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dicreasing
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decreasing
increasing
number
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 of
people
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 who live in rural
areas
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. In my view, it should be seen as a negative
development
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due to
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 the fact that
development
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 in the countryside will slow down and
traffic
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 will expand
occuring
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occurring
 throughout the
cities
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.
Firstly
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, as
people
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 move from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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suburban
areas
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 to more developed
cities
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, the
overall
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development
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 in abandoned
places
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 will
dicrease
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decrease
increase
. One of the most important elements of
development
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 in any place is the
number
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population
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of population
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 who live there
,
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apply
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 because
wealth
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the wealth
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 that
people
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 make will help the area to grow financially and
structrully
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structurally
. If there are
less
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fewer
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citizens
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 who work constantly, the sum of income and financial flow will fall.
For example
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, in Mongolia, only around 40% of the population
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 living in the countryside, which results in poor
development
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 of these
areas
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.
Sencondly
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Secondly
,
the
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apply
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traffic
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jam
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jams
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 will take place in
the
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apply
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metropolitan
cities
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,
due to
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 the
denced
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dense
 population. The more
citizens
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 live in
the
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a
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 particular area, the more private cars will be on the road. Most parents and
people
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 with rather large
family
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families
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 might be interested in
owing
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owning
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 their private vehicles in order to safely commute from one place to another with their loved ones.
Therefore
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, the
number
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 of cars will rise resulting
extended
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in extended
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traffic
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 problems.
For instance
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,
recent
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a recent
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 study concluded that
citizens
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 of central
ares
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areas
 are spending twice more time in
traffic
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, compared to
people
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 who live in suburban
places
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.
To conclude
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, there is an increasing
number
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 of
people
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 who
changes
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change
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 their home
places
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 in the rural
areas
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 into more developed
cities
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. It is a negative trend because of the slower
development
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 of the countryside and the heavy
traffic
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 in metropolitans.
Submitted by sb.angar2011 on

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coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas and wording. Try to use synonyms or rephrase sentences to make your essay more diverse and interesting.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are clearly developed with sufficient detail. Some ideas could benefit from more specific examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with a defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and on-topic, addressing the question adequately.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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