Some commentator feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandparnts, while others say that elderly people should be encouraged to live independently. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.
Nowadays, it is debated among the public whether
ederly
people should live with their kids and grandchildren or independently. From my perspective, both sides have their own Correct your spelling
elderly
adavantages
but I am more inclined toward extended family which I will explain in the next paragraph.
Correct your spelling
advantages
To begin
with, living with such
rousing
family needs a good rapport to foster stronger bonds and allow shared responsibility Correct article usage
a rousing
such
as caregiving for the old or young ones. For instance
, an older person with dementia is usually needs
more care and close monitoring for them to ensure Change the verb form
usually needs
safeness
environments without neglecting the older generations. Replace the word
safe
Thus
, elderly people may feel more meaningful and engaged when they live with the person their
Correct pronoun usage
they
loved
and Wrong verb form
love
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
the
Change the word
their
feeling
of isolation which can lead to mental disease namely depression.
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
On the other hand
, some might think that an
independent living promotes a sense of self-worth that Correct article usage
apply
boost
their Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
confidences
and mental health. Fix the agreement mistake
confidence
In addition
, this
helps maintain their own rountines
and lifestyles without disruptions, Correct your spelling
routines
somestimes
, leading to higher satisfaction. Correct your spelling
sometimes
As a result
, less concerns from their kids as they thinks
that will be managed well by themselves, Change the verb form
think
not to mention
, family conflicts. However
, this
decisions can be crucial when it comes to emergency situations.
In conclusion, Correct determiner usage
these
consider
both trends Wrong verb form
considering
have
benefits but it would be wise if the elderly stay will their family to Correct subject-verb agreement
has
prevert
unfortunate events in time to come.Correct your spelling
prevent
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task achievement
You have provided a clear response to the task, weighing both sides of the argument and giving your own perspective. However, try to include more specific and varied examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but some transitions between ideas could be clearer. Use connecting phrases to improve the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitions of similar ideas. Instead, consider addressing a point from a slightly different angle to add depth to your essay.
introduction
Your introduction clearly outlines the issue and your opinion.
supported main points
You effectively present both sides of the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.