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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the proportion ofgraduates with different qualifications working in one engineering company in 1980 and 2008.

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The pie charts illustrate the distribution of graduates with various qualifications employed in an engineering company in the years 1980 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
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these
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 comparative charts highlight significant shifts in the educational backgrounds of the workforce over the 28-year period. In 1980, the largest part of
employees
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 held
Master
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's
degrees
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 in
Science
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,
comparising
Correct your spelling
comprising
 29% of the workforce.
Similarly
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,
employees
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 with
Ph
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.D.s in
Science
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 represented a substantial portion,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
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 for 25%.
On the contrary
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, those with
Ph
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.D.s in
Art
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 constituted a mere 2%.
Employees
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 with
Master
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's
degrees
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 in
Art
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 formed 13% of the workforce,
while
Linking Words
 those with first
degrees
Use synonyms
 in
Science
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 and
Art
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 made up 20% and 11%, respectively. By 2008, the company's employee qualifications had developed noticeably. The proportion of
employees
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 with
Ph
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.D.s in
Science
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 had increased to 30%, maintaining its position as a significant part. There was
also
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 a considerable rise in
employees
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 with
Ph
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.D.s in
Art
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, reaching 7%. The percentage of
employees
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 holding
Master
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's
degrees
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 in
Science
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 remained unchanged at 29%,
while
Linking Words
 those with
Master
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's
degrees
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 in
Art
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 increased to 17%.
However
Linking Words
, the proportion of
employees
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 with first
degrees
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 in
Science
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 declined sharply to 12%, and people with first
degrees
Use synonyms
 in
Art
Use synonyms
 slightly decreased to 10%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employees, master, degrees, science, ph, art with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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