IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days,
people
Use synonyms
 can buy food imported from any
Use synonyms
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 just by going to the grocery stores around them. I firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a sign of a positive development, since it can make life a lot easier and, in terms of a nation's welfare, it can be really helpful for reducing poverty rates in developing
countries
Use synonyms
. First and foremost, once a particular type of food enters
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
 market, it is going to be very useful for everyone, since
people
Use synonyms
 can easily obtain all the ingredients needed which are not produced in their home
country
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, individuals can cook
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of dishes simply at home, without having to go somewhere else. Indonesian families,
for example
Linking Words
, can now make their own
korean
Change the capitalization
Korean
show examples
 dishes, thanks to the arrival of gochujjang sauce and kimchi that are now available in many convenience stores.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 a lifestyle could be a lot more convenient, since
people
Use synonyms
 do not have to go out and look for a
korean
Change the capitalization
Korean
show examples
 restaurant when it is time for their lunch or dinner, which
sometimes
Add a missing verb
is sometimes
show examples
also
Linking Words
 quite expensive.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 a phenomenon can
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
improve the economic performance of developing
countries
Use synonyms
.
An increasing
Remove the article
Increasing
show examples
 demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 certain
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of local
dish
Fix the agreement mistake
dishes
show examples
, especially from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first-world
countries
Use synonyms
, can help increase the
country
Use synonyms
's export activities as well.
In other words
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can lead to
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhanced
show examples
 companies' productivity and
also
Linking Words
 reduce unemployment rates. To illustrate, the rise of
export
Correct article usage
the export
show examples
 of Indonesian famous instant noodles, Indomie, to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
European
Use synonyms
countries
Add the comma(s)
countries,
show examples
 can lead to a growth in
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 of PT Indofood as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 product manufacturer.
As a result
Linking Words
, there is an increase in the number of
employee
Change to a plural noun
employees
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fulfilling their foreign customers' needs, reducing the poverty rate around the factory area, and
also
Linking Words
 improving the
country
Use synonyms
's economic welfare. In conclusion, I strongly agree that globalization of food production is a sign of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
positive development, which benefits can help
people
Use synonyms
 in every
country
Use synonyms
able
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to make their own dishes at home without having to go to a specific restaurant.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can
also
Linking Words
 increase the economic performance of developing
countries
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the increasing number of job opportunities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Although your essay is well-structured and the arguments are clear, consider breaking up long sentences to improve readability. For instance, the sentence discussing Indonesian families and Korean dishes could be divided for better flow.
coherence cohesion
To further enhance clarity, try to avoid using phrases like 'in other words' too frequently. Instead, use varied linking phrases to maintain reader interest and improve coherence.
task achievement
While your essay provides relevant examples, expanding on these examples slightly, with more specific details, could offer a stronger support for your points.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well and contribute to its overall coherence.
task achievement
Your use of examples like 'Indonesian families making Korean dishes' and 'Indomie noodles export' effectively supports your main points and makes your arguments more tangible.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, providing a balanced view of the benefits of global food availability, both for individuals and national economies.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
What to do next:
Look at other essays: