In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
These days,
people
can buy food imported from any countries
just by going to the grocery stores around them. I firmly believe that Fix the agreement mistake
country
this
is a sign of a positive development, since it can make life a lot easier and, in terms of a nation's welfare, it can be really helpful for reducing poverty rates in developing countries
.
First and foremost, once a particular type of food enters global
market, it is going to be very useful for everyone, since Correct article usage
the global
people
can easily obtain all the ingredients needed which are not produced in their home country
. In other words
, individuals can cook variety
of dishes simply at home, without having to go somewhere else. Indonesian families, Add an article
a variety
for example
, can now make their own korean
dishes, thanks to the arrival of gochujjang sauce and kimchi that are now available in many convenience stores. Change the capitalization
Korean
Consequently
, such
a lifestyle could be a lot more convenient, since people
do not have to go out and look for a korean
restaurant when it is time for their lunch or dinner, which Change the capitalization
Korean
sometimes
Add a missing verb
is sometimes
also
quite expensive.
Furthermore
, such
a phenomenon can to
improve the economic performance of developing Change the verb form
apply
countries
. An increasing
demand Remove the article
Increasing
of
certain Change preposition
for
type
of local Fix the agreement mistake
types
dish
, especially from Fix the agreement mistake
dishes
the
first-world Correct article usage
apply
countries
, can help increase the country
's export activities as well. In other words
, this
can lead to enhance
companies' productivity and Wrong verb form
enhanced
also
reduce unemployment rates. To illustrate, the rise of export
of Indonesian famous instant noodles, Indomie, to Correct article usage
the export
the
European Correct article usage
apply
countries
can lead to a growth in Add the comma(s)
countries,
production
of PT Indofood as Correct article usage
the production
the
product manufacturer. Correct article usage
a
As a result
, there is an increase in the number of employee
Change to a plural noun
employees
in
fulfilling their foreign customers' needs, reducing the poverty rate around the factory area, and Change preposition
apply
also
improving the country
's economic welfare.
In conclusion, I strongly agree that globalization of food production is a sign of a
positive development, which benefits can help Remove the article
apply
people
in every country
able
to make their own dishes at home without having to go to a specific restaurant. Correct word choice
apply
Moreover
, it can also
increase the economic performance of developing countries
due to
the increasing number of job opportunities.Submitted by michellyonggo on
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coherence cohesion
Although your essay is well-structured and the arguments are clear, consider breaking up long sentences to improve readability. For instance, the sentence discussing Indonesian families and Korean dishes could be divided for better flow.
coherence cohesion
To further enhance clarity, try to avoid using phrases like 'in other words' too frequently. Instead, use varied linking phrases to maintain reader interest and improve coherence.
task achievement
While your essay provides relevant examples, expanding on these examples slightly, with more specific details, could offer a stronger support for your points.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well and contribute to its overall coherence.
task achievement
Your use of examples like 'Indonesian families making Korean dishes' and 'Indomie noodles export' effectively supports your main points and makes your arguments more tangible.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, providing a balanced view of the benefits of global food availability, both for individuals and national economies.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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