Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for or allow them to do whatever they want to do. Is this good for children? What could be consequences for these children when they grow up?
It is true that nowadays some parents over spoiled their
children
, trying to provide the best for them and allow them to do anything they want although
it might be kind of bad behavior
. They might see these as a "love expression", Change the spelling
behaviour
while
it may lead to some consequences in the future when those kids become adults.
At a young age, the systems of value
of Add an article
the value
children
haven't developed well, most of the children
cannot differentiate the things which are necessary or just for fulfilling their desire or what kind of behaviors
are suitable Change the spelling
behaviours
in
Change preposition
for
the
specific occasions. During Correct article usage
apply
this
period, parents play an indispensable role to educate
their kids. Change preposition
in educating
However
, if fathers and mothers just satisfied
Wrong verb form
satisfy
children
's requirements altogether, it might result in some negative effects when they grow up.
Due to
the
experiences Change the word
their
in
Change preposition
at
the
young age, Correct article usage
a
children
did not learn how to respect others when they were little. Hence
, when they step in
undergraduate education or start their careers, it might be difficult for them to accept others' ideas because they Change preposition
into
are
lacked Unnecessary verb
apply
of
Remove the preposition
apply
this
kind of experiences
in the past. Fix the agreement mistake
experience
Moreover
, due to
the uncultivated sense of fortune, they might face some difficulties on
managing and distributing salary, without the ability, owning the accommodations or nurturing families will be almost impossible for them.
In conclusion, it is crucial that parents should teach Change preposition
in
the
youngsters Correct article usage
apply
in
Change preposition
at
their
young age, Change the word
a
over
spoiling may lead to some Change preposition
that
negatives
results in the future though it seems that kids were Change the noun form
negative
satisfying
when they were young.Wrong verb form
satisfied
Submitted by aksoysana on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt and covers both parts of the question. However, your points could be further elaborated with more specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
Try to use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. This will also help you avoid repetitive phrasing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. While you have a clear structure, some points could be connected more smoothly. Using transitional phrases can enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Provide more detailed support for your main points. This can include examples, anecdotes, or specific situations that illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the question directly and provides a thorough response, which shows good task achievement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.