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Band 5

Some people say history is one of the most important subjects in schools .other people think that in today’s world subjects science and Technology are more important than history Discuss both this views and give your own opinion

#people #history #subjects #schools #today’s #world #science #technology
The question mentioned is a crucial topic. I have two children. They
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 studying in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
secondary
school
. In my opinion, every parent
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to consider
a
Correct article usage
the
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subjets
Correct your spelling
subjects
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 of their children. Before I
though
Correct your spelling
thought
show examples
 about our
kids
Change noun form
kid's
kids'
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 choice
subjects
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of subjects
show examples
,
classes
Correct word choice
and classes
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
. Anyway, I try to explain from only my own.
History
 is one of
vital
Correct article usage
the vital
show examples
important
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
secondary education. But choice
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 important, which
history
 better
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 for teenagers or big kids.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 traditional
history
 is very significant for high
school
 students. Perhaps, they couldn't
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
it
Change preposition
in it
show examples
.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
show examples
 it is
inevitable
Correct article usage
an inevitable
show examples
 subject. Because of the every nationality must to know about themselves ancients. Young adults are preparing
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 life,
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 they
would be
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
study
 abroad, they will get wide knowledge, and to proud
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their prehistoric before
leave
Change the verb form
leaving
show examples
 from home
country
.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
 step is if somebody wants to
study
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
show examples
country
, even
so
Add the comma(s)
so,
show examples
interests
Wrong verb form
interested
show examples
 worldwide, they could learn and research
concern
Replace the word
concerning
show examples
 world
history
. In my case, I love to read
around
Change preposition
about
show examples
former
Add an article
the former
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time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide.
Science
 and
technology
absolutely
Add a missing verb
are absolutely
show examples
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 significant subjects in the secondary
school
programm
Correct your spelling
programme
program
. As long as we are living in
modern
Add an article
a modern
show examples
,global society. The more you haven't
study
Change the verb form
studied
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 the more you'll lack
skill
Add an article
the skill
show examples
 of executive. If you didn't
study
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
science
, you would stay
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
dark
Add an article
the dark
a dark
show examples
 hole. The technological revolution
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 running in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 five decades
extraordinary
Change the word
extraordinarily
show examples
 fast. We have to catch up
it
Change preposition
on it
show examples
, so
unaviodable
Correct your spelling
unavoidable
unavoidably
 subjects are
science
 and
technology
.
For instance
, some developed
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 mentioned
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it,
USA
Correct article usage
The USA
show examples
 give a good at least opportunity to stay in their
country
all
Change preposition
for all
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
international students, who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
graduated
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 majors
STEM
Change preposition
in STEM
show examples
, (
Science
Technology
 Engineer, Mathematic)
24
Change preposition
for 24
show examples
 months at least. We should try to
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
study
 STEM, cause of
future
Correct pronoun usage
our future
show examples
 demands
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by nbogey777 on

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general
Your essay introduces some good points about the importance of history and science/technology, but there are significant issues with grammar, vocabulary, and structure that need to be addressed. Consider breaking up long sentences to enhance clarity and improving your overall grammar.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should discuss a single main idea. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Be specific and use relevant examples to illustrate your points. For instance, you could mention how understanding history helps in comprehending present-day society, or how scientific advancements impact our daily lives.
content
Your personal connection to the topic adds a unique touch and demonstrates your engagement with the subject.
task achievement
You have correctly identified the importance of both history and science/technology in education. This shows a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • cultural awareness
  • social, economic, and political developments
  • critical thinking
  • analytical skills
  • innovation
  • economic development
  • practical skills
  • problem-solving
  • current global issues
  • climate change
  • healthcare
  • technological fluency
  • digital literacy
What to do next:
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