Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.
Recently, in families, the parents work
long
Change the article
a long
time
. For the security and the protection of their children's
, the parents oblige Change noun form
children
children
to have leisure
activities
. Some people believe that children
's leisure
activities
must be educational, otherwise
they are a complete waste of time
.
Personally, i
agree with the idea that Change the capitalization
I
children
's leisure
activities
must be educational. Firstly
, the
Correct article usage
apply
sport
Change the noun form
sports
activities
help children
to be more actives
and more Fix the agreement mistake
active
sociables
in Correct your spelling
sociable
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
Such
, my child practices swinging. With this
sport, he was more actif
in Correct your spelling
active
the
school. He respects more the Correct article usage
apply
time
in his live
. He is more Replace the word
life
interactif
with the teacher and his Correct your spelling
interactive
colleague
in the school. He eats healthy food.
Fix the agreement mistake
colleagues
Secondly
, the
Correct article usage
apply
leisure
activities
help children
for exploration of the world, the
nature and Correct article usage
apply
others
cultures. The main example of these Correct quantifier usage
other
activities
is the summer's
club. In Change noun form
summer
this
club, the child discovers new
city or nature. Correct article usage
a new
Children
know how to prepare daily affair
, to cook, ... Fix the agreement mistake
affairs
also
, children
know others
cultures from Correct quantifier usage
other
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
children
in the same club.
On other
hand, Correct article usage
the other
leisure
activities
oriente
Correct your spelling
orient
children
in the choice of her
hobbies and interests. Correct pronoun usage
their
For example
, in some clubs, children
know a
Correct the article-noun agreement
news hobbies
a news hobby
news
hobbies like music, dance, paint,.... these Correct your spelling
new
activities
, in the future, will transform the orientation of children
. Some children
chose her university courses to transform the
Change the word
their
hobbie
Correct your spelling
hobby
hobbies
in
a job.
Change preposition
into
However
, for me, some leisure
activities
represent a waste of time
. Such
the
electronic games are Correct article usage
apply
a
dangerous Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
activities
and sources of violance
.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
violence
the
parents need to choose efficacily Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
leisure
activities
for their children's
with educational Change noun form
children
objectif
. It is important that the choice of these Correct your spelling
objectives
activities
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
with
the Change preposition
on
interest
of Fix the agreement mistake
interests
children
.Correct article usage
the children
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas. This will help improve the overall logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your thoughts clearly and ensuring that each main point is clearly supported with relevant examples. This will help achieve a more cohesive and coherent essay.
task response
Make sure that your main points thoroughly address the task and are clearly discussed. Avoid repetitive or off-topic sentences.
task response
Try to express your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Expanding on your main points with detailed explanations can make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to frame your argument.
task response
You used relevant examples from your personal experience which helps to support your points and make your essay more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.