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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #lives #celebrities #media
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The question of whether the media should openly publish the personal lives of
celebrities
 is a subject of much thought and debate. I believe that
this
 question is not so simple, and the answer depends on several aspects. On the one hand,
celebrities
 who choose a career in the public sphere often become role models and
inspiration
Fix the agreement mistake
inspirations
show examples
. Their lifestyle and achievements can serve as an example for young people and society as a whole.
However
, publishing their private affairs may violate their personal space and lead to unpleasant consequences
such
 as violation of confidentiality or even
facing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
harassment from
paparazzi
Correct article usage
the paparazzi
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the media often play the role of public surveillance and monitoring. Openness and availability of
information
 about
celebrities
 can help prevent hidden immoral or criminal acts that influence public opinion and moral standards.
However
,
this
 requires a balance between the right to
information
 and the right to
privacy
. In conclusion, I believe the media must carefully weigh between transparency and respect for
celebrities
'
privacy
. It is necessary to strive for an ethical approach to publications, taking into account the social significance of the
information
 and the protection of individual
privacy
.
This
 will help maintain a balance between the right to
information
 and respect for individual
privacy
.
Submitted by zerdeteacher2024 on

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task achievement
Your essay is well-structured and presents a balanced argument. One area for improvement is providing more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mentioning a specific instance where media exposure led to positive social change or a negative impact on a celebrity's life would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider linking your ideas more explicitly with transitional phrases. For example, phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In contrast,' and 'Consequently,' can better guide the reader through your argument and clarify the relationship between your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame the argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are comprehensive and address the prompt effectively, showing a thorough understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Media scrutiny
  • Public persona
  • Personal autonomy
  • Sensationalism
  • Paparazzi
  • Tabloid journalism
  • Right to privacy
  • Mental well-being
  • Public interest
  • Ethical journalism
  • Celebrity culture
  • Gossip columns
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