Some believe that advances in technology are increasing the gap between rich and poor while others think the opposite is happening. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Owing to the issue of the
technology
gap in certain economic conditions in society, it has been increasing. Some people
think that it has multiple problems either in wealthy or poor generations. In this
essay, I will elaborate positive and negative sides of my discussion.
Firstly
, the new devices nowadays have more sophisticated yet functionality. The modern era of technology
makes individuals easier and accessible to do some workloads whether inside or outside the home. However
, it is not affordable to anyone. For example
, a well-known big company in the West established artifical
intelligence and Correct your spelling
artificial
robotic
in order to make Replace the word
robotics
domestic
Add an article
the domestic
job
easy by speaking to the robot, like all electrical Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
stuffs
are automatically switched off and it Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
costly
, Add a missing verb
is costly
while
other average income
Add a hyphen
average-income
people
cannot afford it to their personal space.
On the other hand
, in general companies in China created multifunction and cheap robots in certain devices namely handphones, tablets, and something similar like Google Home. Counterparts in East Asia are likely lower
costs than in the West which Fix the infinitive
to lower
another
reason Add a missing verb
is another
helps
Correct pronoun usage
that helps
people
over
the world equally Rephrase
all over
feeling
the future of Wrong verb form
feel
the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
. Additionally
, some countries have no issue about
the rich and poor Change preposition
with
people
in terms of advances in technology
because the government subsidies
those devices in order to reduce the price Correct your spelling
subsidises
in
the public which means everyone can Change preposition
to
afford
. Creating a gap between them in society is by looking at their brand of cell phones. Some Correct pronoun usage
afford them
people
argue that phones made by the West countries have higher resolution, either in camera and the quality of sounds is way better than in the Eastern country
, but Fix the agreement mistake
countries
also
expensive.
In conclusion, making a gap range to wealthy and poor people
is something common in this
contemporary era. It is because people
are noticebly
realised about the quality of the brand for the Correct your spelling
noticeably
technology
. In comparison, a mobile phone from each brands
Change to a singular noun
brand
have
specifically different and yet the price Verb problem
is
also
makes the assumption of
someone is Change preposition
that
social
Change the word
socially
financially
.Correct word choice
and financially
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introduction conclusion
You have introduced the topic well and provided a clear opinion. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed introduction and clearer thesis statement outlining the main points you will discuss.
logical structure
While you have structured your essay with clear paragraphs, further development of your points would enhance the logical flow. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details to increase coherence.
relevant specific examples
Your essay includes relevant examples, but they could be more specific and detailed to strongly support your arguments. Providing data or specific scenarios will strengthen your examples.
supported main points
Ensure to clearly relate each example back to the main argument of the paragraph. This will make your points more convincing and the overall essay more cohesive.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have presented both sides of the argument clearly.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion effectively sums up your main points and restates your opinion.
logical structure
Your essay is well-organized with distinct paragraphs.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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