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Band 5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such ad Facebook) have had a huge impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree ?

#people #sites #ad #facebook #impact #individuals #society
Over the
last
 few decades,using of social media
such
 as Facebook has
effected
Verb problem
apply
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dramatically on daily
life
.As a matter of fact,the majority of
people
 are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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involved
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 social networks in their routine
life
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.I strongly agree with
this
 idea and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will support my view with some significant reasons.
Firstly
,many technological scientists have introduced several new applications with simple accessibility,so that
people
 can have them
in
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on
show examples
 their
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
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.Take Facebook as an example.
In other words
,a considerable number of
people
 could download
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and sign up
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 app in order to use it and share their daily
life
.Nowadays,there are few
people
 who prefer not to have
this
 app
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.Based on
a
Remove the article
apply
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research,more than 80 per cent of communities are utilizing digital networks regardless of their age. Another reason why I agree with
this
 opinion is that in past years,the statistics of reading books
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 substantially more than
the
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in the
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 present
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
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 and
this
 is
because
Add the preposition
because of
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 the impact of the digital
internets
Fix the agreement mistake
internet
show examples
 in recent years.
Moreover
,It is observed
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 most
people
 are staring at their phones in public places
such
 as buses,subways,taxis and so on
instead
 of studying.
In addition
,the majority of populations could have
create
Change the verb form
created
show examples
 new jobs by using social media.
That is
 to say in every occupation
people
 could advertise their jobs and
also
 attract many
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
.
To conclude
,there is no doubt that the usage of digital networking has influenced significantly
on
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apply
show examples
both populations and society and comprised some reasons.
Personaly
Correct your spelling
Personally
,I think digital networking could expand a considerable amount of availability in modern
life
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and reduce run-on sentences. This will make your writing clearer and easier to follow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and data to back up your claims. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Pay attention to small grammar issues such as spacing and punctuation. Improving this will enhance the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a strong framework for your argument.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and well-chosen to support the overall argument.
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