Some school leavers go traveling or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. Do you think this has more advantages, or disadvantages on their study？
Many high
school
graduates have taken gap year
for Fix the agreement mistake
years
theirselves
and gone to travel or Correct your spelling
themselves
work
rather than starting their university
education. The youngsters should spend period
of Add an article
a period
time
to broad
their Replace the word
broaden
horizon
by travelling abroad or going Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
work
in various types of jobs before they Fix the infinitive
to work
going
to Wrong verb form
go
the
Correct article usage
apply
university
. In this
essay, I will argue that travelling and working before the start at
major studies have more advantages than disadvantages.
There is no doubt that Change preposition
of
the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
need to broad
their horizons and provide themselves with new experiences. Tripping to a new city or working in a complicated job would improve the Replace the word
broaden
youngs'
character and self-esteem. Change noun form
young's
For instance
, people
who work
as a barista
in the cafe, have to socialise with other Fix the agreement mistake
baristas
people
so that they can build strong character and boost confidence. Furthermore
, travelling is the
one of the most convenient Correct article usage
apply
activity
in order to make new relationships and gain new experiences. Fix the agreement mistake
activities
Thus
, young people
should allocate a period
of time
to explore new cities and to work
in various jobs.
Another reason the
Correct article usage
apply
school
leavers should go traveling
or Change the spelling
travelling
work
for a period
of time
instead
of going directly to university
is that gap years
may lead to accomplishments for students by allowing them to rest. The Change the determiner
that gap year
those gap years
period
of time
in high school
could be an exhausting journey for young people
. Because of that if students can be avoided from education for a period
of time
, it would facilitate their upcoming university
education. For example
, it is clear that
after the holidays, people
tend to more and more focus on what they need to do. Therefore
, students that
Correct pronoun usage
who
graduated
from high Wrong verb form
graduate
school
should pay their
attention to Correct pronoun usage
apply
discover
new countries and opportunities.
Wrong verb form
discovering
To conclude
, going directly to university
after the
Correct article usage
apply
gradution
from high Correct your spelling
graduation
school
has less
advantages for Change the quantifier
fewer
the
fresh graduates than Correct article usage
apply
the
disadvantages. These Correct article usage
apply
people
should have been travelling around the world and creating new relationships with other people
.Submitted by eralpaslan.ea on
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Grammar and Vocabulary
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in the essay. For example, 'broad their horizon' should be 'broaden their horizons.' Additionally, 'the youngs'' and 'after the gradution from high school' need correcting. Consistent use of correct grammar and contextually appropriate vocabulary will improve the readability and professionalism of the essay.
Supporting Details
Ensure all points are consistently supported with specific examples. While there are some examples provided, additional concrete examples could help reinforce the arguments more effectively.
Introduction
The introduction clearly states the issue and the writer's position, which sets a clear direction for the essay.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and reinforces the writer's opinion.
Content
The essay presents valid arguments for taking a gap year, such as broadening horizons and the opportunity for rest.