IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some school leavers go traveling or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. Do you think this has more advantages, or disadvantages on their study？

#school #leavers #work #period #time #university #study？
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Many high
school
Use synonyms
 graduates have taken gap
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 for
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
 and gone to travel or
work
Use synonyms
 rather than starting their
university
Use synonyms
 education. The youngsters should spend
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
a period
show examples
 of
time
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 to
broad
Replace the word
broaden
show examples
 their
horizon
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horizons
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 by travelling abroad or going
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work
Fix the infinitive
to work
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 in various types of jobs before they
going
Wrong verb form
go
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will argue that travelling and working before the start
at
Change preposition
of
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 major studies have more advantages than disadvantages. There is no doubt that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
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 need to
broad
Replace the word
broaden
show examples
 their horizons and provide themselves with new experiences. Tripping to a new city or working in a complicated job would improve the
youngs'
Change noun form
young's
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 character and self-esteem.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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 who
work
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 as a
barista
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baristas
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 in the cafe, have to socialise with other
people
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 so that they can build strong character and boost confidence.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, travelling is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of the most convenient
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 in order to make new relationships and gain new experiences.
Thus
Linking Words
, young
people
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 should allocate a
period
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 of
time
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 to explore new cities and to
work
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 in various jobs. Another reason
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
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 leavers should go
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 or
work
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 for a
period
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 of
time
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instead
Linking Words
 of going directly to
university
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 is
that gap years
Change the determiner
that gap year
those gap years
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 may lead to accomplishments for students by allowing them to rest. The
period
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 of
time
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 in high
school
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 could be an exhausting journey for young
people
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. Because of that if students can be avoided from education for a
period
Use synonyms
 of
time
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, it would facilitate their upcoming
university
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 education.
For example
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 after the holidays,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to more and more focus on what they need to do.
Therefore
Linking Words
, students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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graduated
Wrong verb form
graduate
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 from high
school
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 should pay
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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attention to
discover
Wrong verb form
discovering
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 new countries and opportunities.
To conclude
Linking Words
, going directly to
university
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 after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gradution
Correct your spelling
graduation
 from high
school
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 has
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 advantages for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fresh graduates than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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disadvantages. These
people
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 should have been travelling around the world and creating new relationships with other
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by eralpaslan.ea on

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Grammar and Vocabulary
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in the essay. For example, 'broad their horizon' should be 'broaden their horizons.' Additionally, 'the youngs'' and 'after the gradution from high school' need correcting. Consistent use of correct grammar and contextually appropriate vocabulary will improve the readability and professionalism of the essay.
Supporting Details
Ensure all points are consistently supported with specific examples. While there are some examples provided, additional concrete examples could help reinforce the arguments more effectively.
Introduction
The introduction clearly states the issue and the writer's position, which sets a clear direction for the essay.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and reinforces the writer's opinion.
Content
The essay presents valid arguments for taking a gap year, such as broadening horizons and the opportunity for rest.
What to do next:
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