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Band 5.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self- employed?

#people #work #company #organisation #be #case #self-
Most contemporary economies allow
such
 a model of employment as being self-employed, which appears very tempting for many.
However
,
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
 the vast majority of
people
 opt
for being
Change preposition
to be
show examples
 employed in a
company
 and not to set up their own
business
.
This
 essay will attempt to look into the key factors as to why
people
 may prefer entrepreneurship and
major
Correct article usage
the major
show examples
 drawbacks to it. To start with, in many modern societies, including
Russian
Replace the word
Russia
show examples
, entrepreneurship is greatly encouraged with lots of
business
 seminars and workshops advertised. These may range from slightly fraudulent to genuinely educational and supportive, and generally any information on setting up a
company
 is easily accessible
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 those who are willing. And willing they are, as
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
business
 person, the image itself has a certain feel of luxury, respectability and success.
People
 are being told that they have no limits and can easily become
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Steve Jobs
is
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 they wish
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
This
 first reason is linked to the
second,
which is relevant for Russia and some other
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
. Bank loans are accessible too, and they are largely eagerly granted. If a future
business
 person truly knows their
business
, it poses no threat.
Nevertheless
, easy access to setting up a
company
 for someone inexperienced or insensible may cause a range of problems. Apparently, the first issue that may perplex an unskilled entrepreneur is the
neccessity
Correct your spelling
necessity
 to be a jack of all trades ( if the
company
 is very small). Having taken the responsibilities of an accountant, PR or HR manager at the same time can be a burden and make the person wish they had never done it at all. If they hire other
people
 to perform these tasks, they must pay more
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 and provide their employees with decent working conditions. At the same time,
business
 is usually a risky matter and in our competitive
reality
Add a comma
reality,
show examples
 many of them go bankrupt. And
last
, but not least -self-employed
people
 are the only
people
 responsible for their own vacations, sick or maternity leaves or any job perks. So, in a nutshell, being your own master has many downsides,
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
 is why many
people
 decide to play
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 safe.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to strengthen the arguments. For instance, mention a successful self-employed individual and the challenges they faced to give the essay a more convincing appeal.
coherence cohesion
Refine the transition between paragraphs for smoother reading. This could involve using phrases like 'another significant factor' or 'in addition to' to link ideas more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the aim of the essay and provides a good overview.
task achievement
The writer makes a good attempt to concentrate on both aspects of the topic: reasons for choosing self-employment and its disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Good logical progression of ideas, making it easy to follow the writer's train of thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • entrepreneur
  • independence
  • opportunity
  • financial stability
  • set your own schedule
  • pursue your dreams
  • take risks
  • uncertainty
  • income stability
  • workload
  • taxes
  • marketing
  • client acquisition
  • job security
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