in education and employment, some people work harder than others. why do some people work harder? is it always a good thing to work harder?
In school and work
environment
some individual tend to Fix the agreement mistake
environments
sacrifices
all their energy and time more than others. Both questions will be discussed in Wrong verb form
sacrifice
this
essay .
First of all, there are numerous reasons of
why someone works hard , Change preposition
apply
however
, some people are working hard seeking for
a better Change preposition
apply
life
quality , meaning they need to secure everything they need or might need in the future. For instance
, a father will be working late hours and give up on his free time just to secure the best schools for his children . This
gives them a sance
of Correct your spelling
sense
self- satisfaction
Correct your spelling
self-satisfaction
,
and allows them to gain Remove the comma
apply
the
reputation and Correct article usage
a
the
better social class In society .
Moving to the next question , working hard is not always a good thing, depending Correct article usage
a
of
how hard you work . Take money Change preposition
on
for example
, we live in a world where money is needed for everything such
as education and health care . Working hard gives you the chance to have a batter
job with a good Correct your spelling
better
pay-check
. As for the drawbacks of Correct your spelling
pay check
this
trend , working hard could cost
you Verb problem
cause
your
mental health issues leading to Correct pronoun usage
apply
overthinking
loop and sleeping problems , a person with a full plate will not be able to balance between their personal and working Correct article usage
an overthinking
life
.
In conclusion, if you are putting all you
energy into work, you will Change the pronoun
your
be having
Wrong verb form
have
somethings
to Correct your spelling
something
loss
. Replace the word
lose
Hopefully
people will have more awareness in the Add a comma
Hopefully,
up coming
future and balance between personal Correct your spelling
upcoming
life
and working life
.Submitted by aseel on
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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay to provide a clear structure for the reader.
task achievement
Work on providing more comprehensive and relevant examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are logically developed throughout the essay to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Double check grammar, punctuation, and word choice to eliminate small errors and improve the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both questions posed in the prompt, which is good for task response.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion provides a closing thought on the topic, which helps wrap up the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite