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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are two line chart diagrams depict changes that the percent of electrical appliance in households in 1920-2019 and the tuatal time of doing housework every weeks in same time.

There are two line chart diagrams depict changes that the percent of electrical appliance in households in 1920-2019 and the tuatal time of doing housework every weeks in same time.
The provided line graph illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of changes in
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
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housework which is done weekly by household
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
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over
Change preposition
apply
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from 1920 to 2019. It can be clearly seen that the usage of Refrigerator for doing
chorses
Correct your spelling
chores
 experienced
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
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 upward trend.
However
Linking Words
,the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of consuming Washing machine and Vacuum cleaner increased slightly over the period. In 1920,the proportion of using Refrigerator was nearly %5.(Which was the lowest amount of consumption over the period).
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of using Refrigerator for doing chorses rocketed to precisely 100 per cent in 1980 and
then
Linking Words
at the end
Linking Words
 of the trend levelled off (%100) in 2019.(Which was the highest rate of using
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
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 over the whole year). The proportion of using vacuum cleaner for doing housework was %30 in 1920 and It tripled at %90 in 1980.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the amount of consuming Vacuum cleaner for cleaning the house reached at %100 in 2019.Surprisingly,the
percentage
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 of using Washing
machine
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machines
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 for doing
chorses
Correct your spelling
chores
 was exactly %40 in 2019.After that,the proportion of using Washing
machine
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machines
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 for cleaning clothes climbed slightly and
then
Linking Words
 with a modest drop,It reached
the
Correct article usage
a
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 peak at roughly 75 per cent in 2019.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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